11pm, damp outside after the rain, crickets chirping peacefully. Back from practice, played Summon the Heroes during clarient sectional, tho we were 5 bars from ending b4 everyone gave up :o)
Given the script for next week's wedding. YMD with Thai girl (not SGI member). Small ceremony at home, at nite have to rush back after practice for wedding dinner. Not much to say as emcee, wonder how i can spruce up the celebration? Hmm...
Rushed back on Thurs after class with Dr.C, dat day wuz Prophet Muhammad's bday, dem weird have class on public holiday. Dem good surgeon-lecturer, like Dr.Y, both oso from the same uni. Hmm, that uni must produce very good doctors-teachers.
Quickly organised clarinet gathering two days b4 after found out Fri no class. Managed abt 55% attendance. 9 clarinetist, 1 bass clarinetist, 1 basoonist, 1 oboeist, and even 1 french horner (sounds really wrong). Others could not make it on such a short notice. Tidied up house, went out to get pizzaz and junk food, and played host for the rest of the nite. Lotsa of peanuts eaten, lotsa tissue used up when things got emotional. Half the box i tink. Problem is, things got emotional at 10pm, ah, wished it started earlier, den dun have to leave so late to fetch sum of the members back to Ampang. Reached home by 12.45am, after 1 hour 45 minz on the road. Tidied up a bit, bathed, den dropped dead in bed.
Its true, u have to come down to grassroot level and hear what members have to say, totally different world for me. I live in a comfortable world, got functional (if rusty) family, can study at (bloodi expensive) medical uni, got car etc. Others are not so fortunate, yet at practice, u see them smile and work hard for kosenrufu, and yet not know a thing abt whats goin on in their lives. There are many things in life that we take for granted. Must listen more to members, dialogue with them. Time to brush up my Mandarin seriously.
Gave the short Gosho preview i wuz supposed to give 3 weeks ago. Wish i could share the actual Gosho with the members, tell them that to practice Buddhism is hard, but not to give up. Winter always turns to spring.
Tmrw got L1 seminar, need to get up early. 2 weeks time got Student Division Exchange Camp with Malacca SD members. 4 weeks time got exchange with Klang band members and Music Instructors Band (MIB), i tink its called Rakan Muda Orchestra or sumthin. Dats Mr. Lee's band, i tink.
Weds, stayed back with * and her friends till 12am. Took her around the wards, learnt from her, as her from I. Muz learn from her semangat, dem hardworking. We helped out in a few MVA cases, blood all over the place, she and i took turns bagging, and holding the damned pen torch cuz wards dem dark and HO tryin his best to suture meat back to victim's face. Victim screamin in pain, max dose of pethidine given.
I volunteered to catheterize my 1st pt, messed up big time, not same as when practice on fake model. Totally not sterile, used up 4 sterile gloves since everytime contaminated. Well, patient din scream or anythin as i pushed the catheter in, mebe cuz he already fainted from extreme pain, imagine gettin ur face sewed back. Sweat like mad cuz urine took so long to finally come out, i tot i punctured the bladder or ruptured the urethra.
By the time i walked home, reached at 12.45am. Jalan Rasah quiet and peaceful at night, ppl watchin wrestlin at mamak shops, few sundry shops open, 7-eleven only shop lighted up at its row, ppl singin karaoke loudly at Teo Chew association building.
Examz next week, Tues and Thurs. Haiz, life is not a box of chocolates, it's one big, bloody exam. After Thurs, gonna come home and kill lotsa ppl. In Unreal Tourney. Long time din make killing. Wahaha!
Sleepz now, dem tired. ZZZ...
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Bananas, DAP, Japanese Friends
10pm, outside wet after the rain. Love the smell u get after a rain.
Listenin to the John Williams' version of "Summon the Heroes", whush, they play the bass parts dem kann chiong. Just back from band practice, din play 'Heroes today, sniff.
Found a version of the actual 1996 Atlanta Olympics performance, conducted by John Williams' himself, dem cool, check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10SWNWzGq1U
Caught Macha eating while a cat was waiting patiently behind a pillar for him to leave, so that it could come and grub in. Managed to snap one pic b4 Macha saw me, got excited and ran to me. Cat ran in, grabbed a bone b4 Macha came tearin back after it and chased it away.
To Shiawase: Sigh, sumtimes proud to be a banana, sumtimes sad to be a banana. Speakin of blenders, mango shakes sellin very well at Chapati Corner, must suggest to Aunty to make banana shake...ewww...dat sounds bad (and obscene at the same time), on 2nd thoughts, nevermind. Do take us again thru paedz wards nxt week ya!
Havin second thoughts on emcee-ing for the wedding. Yikes, i'd be nervous as hell. Dun wan2 mess up sumone's wedding.
Haha, after many years of voting for the Opposition, PJ has finally come under the Rocket! We were mostly cheerin dat Samy Vellu lost the election, can hear the whole SS3 shouting in unison when his results were shown on RTM1.
Surgery goin smoothly. Not practicin enuf of my physical examination skills, very weak.
New juniorz finally came in to surgical wards, brought a few around, some presented cases to me, realised how much i've grown in knowledge and maturity, especially in history takin. Could not believe i once clerked history as a sem6 junior. Stayed back a few times just to bring juniors around, haha, its more fun when ur teaching, forced to read up beforehand so dun look stoopid in front of juniors.
One patient at bed C13 complained of abdominal pain and constipation. I showed the abdominal xray to a group of juniors, showed off my xray interpretation skills, i suspected intestinal obstruction, couldnt really see dilated bowels tho. Juniors questioned back, me as senior ego super big, junior not allowed to question senior, just accept wat we teach u, even tho xray looked quite funny. Suspicious bladder stone noted by one junior, i brushed it off as a phlebolith (calcified vein, incidental finding in old ppl, but pt was only 36 yrs old...). I gave my provisional diagnosis: TB of the ileum. Fuyoh...super-rare disease. Dun noe till dis day how i came up with that differential.
When everybody left, i checked the name on the xray. Wrong xray, supposed to be bed C13, i took for bed 13. Turns out patient in bed 13 was being investigated for blood in the urine, doctor's differential: bladder stone. Bed C13 just had an appendicitis. -_-"""
This week, IMU had 3 Japanese elective students. We had the honor of having one of em onboard in Surgery. His name is T. I was jealous dat Japanese medical students could keep long hair, dem cool. Could only speak halting English, lotsa medical terms he could not understand for they studied medicine in pure Japanese over in Japan, even his textbooks were in Japanese. He learnt the English terms himself with the aid of his translating device. I played unofficial host to him and his friend, R, a Japanese girl who likes anime (its pronounced a-nime in Japan, not ani-meh) and Queen rock music. T spends his time in the labs doin lung cancer research over the weekends. Wow, so hardworkin.
Showed T around the hospital, translated for him during case presentations. A lot of things he couldnt understand. He tended to nod ALOT. Haha, me too, mebe its built into all things Japanese. It was like, at 10Hz per sentence said to him. He nodded to alot of ppl in the hospital as well, everyone thought he was a Japanese specialist, since he had a very matured look. Everyone nodded back at the same frequency until they became giddy.
On Wed I went to endoscopy room with T. Everytime im the only Chinese in a room, i prayed hard dat no Chinese pt would come in, cuz then i wud be called to translate. My bad luck dat day.
I was tested to the limits of my chinese language when a Chinese pt with the whole family (picture this: pt in wheelchair, daughter, son-in-law, 2 children, grandma and brother) came to endoscopy room. All could not speak Malay or English, or refused to speak it, i tink.
Their CT forms and blood forms got mixed up, so i had to take em all the way to MOPD and ask for an appointment. Due to damned beuracracy (godz, how do u spell dat damned word), i was sent on a long walk back to the endoscopy room.
Naturally, all the family members asked me a lot of questions, even their little girl. They were worried about their grandpa having lung cancer. I saw the chest xray, a huge opaque lesion at the left upper lobe. Scope on TV showed an ugly lesion infiltrating the left upper bronchus, doc took a sample. Din dare to show the family members the chest xray.
Didnt know how to pharse it properly, just kept tellin them to wait for biopsy results to come back. Their questions became more complex, from what i usually expected. I switched rapidly from what little vocabulary i knew in Mandarin and Cantonese, and finally a desperate attempt to Hokkien, b4 i admitted defeat and told em i din know how to speak proper Chinese.
Even then, they kept asking. Shows how same races lean on each other in times of need, they refused to converse with the doctors and nurses, only turned to a fellow Chinese. Makes u feel proud to be a Chinese.
Friday nite I took T and R to our variety nite, orientation ended this week. Gave them a dose of IMU orientation nite group performances, yeah, obscenity and IMCCs' included. They could not believe me (they're Asian eyes became American eyes) when I told em, "That girl is a boy... yes, SHE is a HE... yes, its water balloons and a wig...". After dat, their cameras were flashin away.
Listenin to the John Williams' version of "Summon the Heroes", whush, they play the bass parts dem kann chiong. Just back from band practice, din play 'Heroes today, sniff.
Found a version of the actual 1996 Atlanta Olympics performance, conducted by John Williams' himself, dem cool, check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10SWNWzGq1U
Caught Macha eating while a cat was waiting patiently behind a pillar for him to leave, so that it could come and grub in. Managed to snap one pic b4 Macha saw me, got excited and ran to me. Cat ran in, grabbed a bone b4 Macha came tearin back after it and chased it away.
To Shiawase: Sigh, sumtimes proud to be a banana, sumtimes sad to be a banana. Speakin of blenders, mango shakes sellin very well at Chapati Corner, must suggest to Aunty to make banana shake...ewww...dat sounds bad (and obscene at the same time), on 2nd thoughts, nevermind. Do take us again thru paedz wards nxt week ya!
Havin second thoughts on emcee-ing for the wedding. Yikes, i'd be nervous as hell. Dun wan2 mess up sumone's wedding.
Haha, after many years of voting for the Opposition, PJ has finally come under the Rocket! We were mostly cheerin dat Samy Vellu lost the election, can hear the whole SS3 shouting in unison when his results were shown on RTM1.
Surgery goin smoothly. Not practicin enuf of my physical examination skills, very weak.
New juniorz finally came in to surgical wards, brought a few around, some presented cases to me, realised how much i've grown in knowledge and maturity, especially in history takin. Could not believe i once clerked history as a sem6 junior. Stayed back a few times just to bring juniors around, haha, its more fun when ur teaching, forced to read up beforehand so dun look stoopid in front of juniors.
One patient at bed C13 complained of abdominal pain and constipation. I showed the abdominal xray to a group of juniors, showed off my xray interpretation skills, i suspected intestinal obstruction, couldnt really see dilated bowels tho. Juniors questioned back, me as senior ego super big, junior not allowed to question senior, just accept wat we teach u, even tho xray looked quite funny. Suspicious bladder stone noted by one junior, i brushed it off as a phlebolith (calcified vein, incidental finding in old ppl, but pt was only 36 yrs old...). I gave my provisional diagnosis: TB of the ileum. Fuyoh...super-rare disease. Dun noe till dis day how i came up with that differential.
When everybody left, i checked the name on the xray. Wrong xray, supposed to be bed C13, i took for bed 13. Turns out patient in bed 13 was being investigated for blood in the urine, doctor's differential: bladder stone. Bed C13 just had an appendicitis. -_-"""
This week, IMU had 3 Japanese elective students. We had the honor of having one of em onboard in Surgery. His name is T. I was jealous dat Japanese medical students could keep long hair, dem cool. Could only speak halting English, lotsa medical terms he could not understand for they studied medicine in pure Japanese over in Japan, even his textbooks were in Japanese. He learnt the English terms himself with the aid of his translating device. I played unofficial host to him and his friend, R, a Japanese girl who likes anime (its pronounced a-nime in Japan, not ani-meh) and Queen rock music. T spends his time in the labs doin lung cancer research over the weekends. Wow, so hardworkin.
Showed T around the hospital, translated for him during case presentations. A lot of things he couldnt understand. He tended to nod ALOT. Haha, me too, mebe its built into all things Japanese. It was like, at 10Hz per sentence said to him. He nodded to alot of ppl in the hospital as well, everyone thought he was a Japanese specialist, since he had a very matured look. Everyone nodded back at the same frequency until they became giddy.
On Wed I went to endoscopy room with T. Everytime im the only Chinese in a room, i prayed hard dat no Chinese pt would come in, cuz then i wud be called to translate. My bad luck dat day.
I was tested to the limits of my chinese language when a Chinese pt with the whole family (picture this: pt in wheelchair, daughter, son-in-law, 2 children, grandma and brother) came to endoscopy room. All could not speak Malay or English, or refused to speak it, i tink.
Their CT forms and blood forms got mixed up, so i had to take em all the way to MOPD and ask for an appointment. Due to damned beuracracy (godz, how do u spell dat damned word), i was sent on a long walk back to the endoscopy room.
Naturally, all the family members asked me a lot of questions, even their little girl. They were worried about their grandpa having lung cancer. I saw the chest xray, a huge opaque lesion at the left upper lobe. Scope on TV showed an ugly lesion infiltrating the left upper bronchus, doc took a sample. Din dare to show the family members the chest xray.
Didnt know how to pharse it properly, just kept tellin them to wait for biopsy results to come back. Their questions became more complex, from what i usually expected. I switched rapidly from what little vocabulary i knew in Mandarin and Cantonese, and finally a desperate attempt to Hokkien, b4 i admitted defeat and told em i din know how to speak proper Chinese.
Even then, they kept asking. Shows how same races lean on each other in times of need, they refused to converse with the doctors and nurses, only turned to a fellow Chinese. Makes u feel proud to be a Chinese.
Friday nite I took T and R to our variety nite, orientation ended this week. Gave them a dose of IMU orientation nite group performances, yeah, obscenity and IMCCs' included. They could not believe me (they're Asian eyes became American eyes) when I told em, "That girl is a boy... yes, SHE is a HE... yes, its water balloons and a wig...". After dat, their cameras were flashin away.
They were impressed dat Malaysia was such a multi-cultural society. The plays, musicals and songs alternated between shouting bad words in Hokkien, singin the TV3 Ah Long of Bukit Beruntung song in Malay, to lotsa Bollywood music and dancing. An Indian junior was asked to translate one bangra music, the results: "Boy asks girl, 'U look like apple. What is ur name, apple?'" Tamil translation did not come well into English, T looked quite bemused. R and T also laughed alot, even though they couldnt understand the jokes. Most amused by every IMCC dat came on stage. Ah, what is an IMU orientation without our IMCCs? The IMU tradition to be most proud of.
Probably take em photos back to Japan, and showed it to the deans and the whole university during a cultural exchange presentation or sumthin.
"This is what Malaysian students usually do in medical universities."
(Hundreds of stunned Japanese faces)
"...soh des kah...".
Oh, well lotsa things to do b4 Sat nite ends. Nitez...
Saturday, March 8, 2008
A Short Post
2am, silent air outside, kenny g music playin softly from speakerz.
They say if u step out of ur comfort zone, a whole new world opens up to u. Well, I was surprised to find ppl's blogs so short dat i thought, why not me too? It goes easy on the eyes as well.
Din study whole day. Nagging guilt. Spent whole day runnin around preparin for clarinet gathering tmrw (or rather, today). Buyin stuff, tryin to bring down costs, thinkin of entertainment. Suddenly advised NOT to have gathering tmrw. Cuz after practice, voting results will be announced, mebe streets not safe. Sigh, whole day wasted. Oh well, quite a few cant make it tmrw anywayz.
Main purpose wan2 target 1 junior. I see her very sad in band, dun mix well with others, she english-speakin surrounded by chinese-speakin ppl. I understand how she feels, i spent 9 years in a band whom i dun reli understand as well. Gets kinda lonely sumtimes, not understandin pplz jokes. But slowly, u mix with them, ur sense of humor oso blend with them, ah , u feel part of the band, whether u banana or mango. Very hard to "kacau" her, she dun respond dat well, so shy all the time. Mebe in this gatherin, other juniors will mix with her as well. If not, can lose a potential band player. Must establish the sense of belonging.
Tmrw end practice early, 5.30pm. Yeah, we're playin Summon the Heroes, dem cool olympics theme song, dem loud timpanis banging away, and i get a few solo parts! Well, its more of a "play-the-rhythm-while-band-goes-silent" parts. But its still dem cool to hear a bass clarinet playing like a lone beating heart beating away in the expansive silence of a huge universe.
Voting day tmrw. Forgot to register, so cant vote. Wait another 4 yearz. Dat time no time to even register, probably.
Just finished watchin Stardust with bro and sis on tv. Haha, dem funny show, Robert De Niro dem funny. Cool photography and angles, wish i could do stuff like dat. Romantic movie, ah, its a work of escapism. Makes u all wishy-washy. What would it be like to fall in love with a star?
Midz of surgery, Sunday have to go back early and clerk case. New lecturer wants to have case presentation at 7.15am in the morning on Monday. Crazy, patient oso havent wake up yet. Means i have to start walkin at 6.45am, or i drive the car.
Sigh, sem9 here so fast. 5 months to go, time flies while ur in medical school. Must enjoy times with friends, afterwards all go back to their individual states, rarely cross paths with them. Play futsal perhaps? Sigh, dun noe why i hate sports so much. Got two left legs. Just love a good book (and lotsa peanuts or kuaci), or just crapping with friends. I got no sport spirit...
2 weeks time have to emcee a wedding ceremony. SGM member from our chapter marryin a Thai girl. Haha, wonder how to do it. "We gather here today on this very aussipi... auspisios... aupsipicous...(bah) ...beautiful day...". Must make a memorable day for them.
Last week opened a stone exhibition with our recital piece, Mozart's Wind Quintet in Eb. As usual, no one in the audience could make out the mistake. Thats classical music for u there.
Oh well, time to sleep, my circadian rhythm probably all screwed up by now.
Nitez.
They say if u step out of ur comfort zone, a whole new world opens up to u. Well, I was surprised to find ppl's blogs so short dat i thought, why not me too? It goes easy on the eyes as well.
Din study whole day. Nagging guilt. Spent whole day runnin around preparin for clarinet gathering tmrw (or rather, today). Buyin stuff, tryin to bring down costs, thinkin of entertainment. Suddenly advised NOT to have gathering tmrw. Cuz after practice, voting results will be announced, mebe streets not safe. Sigh, whole day wasted. Oh well, quite a few cant make it tmrw anywayz.
Main purpose wan2 target 1 junior. I see her very sad in band, dun mix well with others, she english-speakin surrounded by chinese-speakin ppl. I understand how she feels, i spent 9 years in a band whom i dun reli understand as well. Gets kinda lonely sumtimes, not understandin pplz jokes. But slowly, u mix with them, ur sense of humor oso blend with them, ah , u feel part of the band, whether u banana or mango. Very hard to "kacau" her, she dun respond dat well, so shy all the time. Mebe in this gatherin, other juniors will mix with her as well. If not, can lose a potential band player. Must establish the sense of belonging.
Tmrw end practice early, 5.30pm. Yeah, we're playin Summon the Heroes, dem cool olympics theme song, dem loud timpanis banging away, and i get a few solo parts! Well, its more of a "play-the-rhythm-while-band-goes-silent" parts. But its still dem cool to hear a bass clarinet playing like a lone beating heart beating away in the expansive silence of a huge universe.
Voting day tmrw. Forgot to register, so cant vote. Wait another 4 yearz. Dat time no time to even register, probably.
Just finished watchin Stardust with bro and sis on tv. Haha, dem funny show, Robert De Niro dem funny. Cool photography and angles, wish i could do stuff like dat. Romantic movie, ah, its a work of escapism. Makes u all wishy-washy. What would it be like to fall in love with a star?
Midz of surgery, Sunday have to go back early and clerk case. New lecturer wants to have case presentation at 7.15am in the morning on Monday. Crazy, patient oso havent wake up yet. Means i have to start walkin at 6.45am, or i drive the car.
Sigh, sem9 here so fast. 5 months to go, time flies while ur in medical school. Must enjoy times with friends, afterwards all go back to their individual states, rarely cross paths with them. Play futsal perhaps? Sigh, dun noe why i hate sports so much. Got two left legs. Just love a good book (and lotsa peanuts or kuaci), or just crapping with friends. I got no sport spirit...
2 weeks time have to emcee a wedding ceremony. SGM member from our chapter marryin a Thai girl. Haha, wonder how to do it. "We gather here today on this very aussipi... auspisios... aupsipicous...(bah) ...beautiful day...". Must make a memorable day for them.
Last week opened a stone exhibition with our recital piece, Mozart's Wind Quintet in Eb. As usual, no one in the audience could make out the mistake. Thats classical music for u there.
Oh well, time to sleep, my circadian rhythm probably all screwed up by now.
Nitez.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Dementia: The Dangers of Not Exercising Your Brain
4.15pm, warm and sunny, but not too hot to make you sweat. Dark patches of comulonimbus, with halos of Sun shinin thru. Gonna rain 2nite perhaps. Lazy afternoon, everyone's gone home for the long weekend (Monday no class) and Chung's MIA'ed since yesterday. Distant ennnnh! of buzzer coming from 3rd floor as sem9 seniors runnin thru their OSCE examinations. Doin my report, but no mood to go on, just flippin thru other ppl's blogs and waiting for 6.30pm to come so i can shoot to Cheras for band practice 2nite.
My recital group called to perform Mozart's Wind Quintet again next Sunday during the opening ceremony of an exhibiton at Wisma Kebudayaan in KL. Heheh, wonder if we'll make the same mistakes again and no one notices.
This Saturday giving a short 15 minutes preview on this month's Gosho study. Got so many points to share, haha, i think i'll just give the whole Gosho lecture myself!
Yesterday, my group went to the Memory Clinic which is located behind the hospital. Its an old building where the original hospital wards were located during the Japanese Occupation. It caters for elderly patients with dementia of various causes.
For those who dont know what dementia or Alzheimers is, its the slow regression of the brain, brought about by old age, but in an accelerated manner. Myth has it that its due to not using ur brain often eunf when u get old.
Very sad to seee uncles and aunties with Alzheimers. Some couldnt even comprehend simple instructions like asking to them to lifet their hands. You could shed tears just watching them struggle for 10 minutes with trembling hands as they try to write out simple sentences like "I come to clinic today." One pattern that emerges is as they approach the last words, the letters start to become small, and then just disappear all together. On the other spectrum, there were patients who were aggressive and violent. One kept swearing in Hokkien every 5 minutes.
My patient was an old lady with a solid built and lot of makeup and jewellery. She kept scolding her husband, asking him to shut up, and shouting at him everytime he tried to tell the doctor what her condition was like. She dislikes people talking behind her back. She even asked the doctor and staff nurses to shut up. I tried my best to subtly carry out the mini mental state examination without erking her wrath. Halfway thru the consultation, she said she hated to be there, and just left without a word. Poor husband. The caregiver is always the one who suffers the most, and the guy was so patient. He never talked bad about his wife, nor showed any sign of losing patience. I talked to him and tried to encourage him, asking about any hobbies or interest to keep on going in life.
I've always asked mum and dad to not only read alot as they grew old, but also to exercise their brains. I suggest sudoku, or maybe even crosswords, but im sure there's more stuff to do. Reading books and gardening wouldnt be considered exercising the brain, as they mostly involve input, and not much output. I think everyone who's witnessed what a demented person is like has the responsibility to go home and convince ur parents to never stop exercising their brains. Also to take alot of omega-3, found in fishes.
Okie, back to my report, im a professional procrastinator if there ever was such a profession, haha!
My recital group called to perform Mozart's Wind Quintet again next Sunday during the opening ceremony of an exhibiton at Wisma Kebudayaan in KL. Heheh, wonder if we'll make the same mistakes again and no one notices.
This Saturday giving a short 15 minutes preview on this month's Gosho study. Got so many points to share, haha, i think i'll just give the whole Gosho lecture myself!
Yesterday, my group went to the Memory Clinic which is located behind the hospital. Its an old building where the original hospital wards were located during the Japanese Occupation. It caters for elderly patients with dementia of various causes.
For those who dont know what dementia or Alzheimers is, its the slow regression of the brain, brought about by old age, but in an accelerated manner. Myth has it that its due to not using ur brain often eunf when u get old.
Very sad to seee uncles and aunties with Alzheimers. Some couldnt even comprehend simple instructions like asking to them to lifet their hands. You could shed tears just watching them struggle for 10 minutes with trembling hands as they try to write out simple sentences like "I come to clinic today." One pattern that emerges is as they approach the last words, the letters start to become small, and then just disappear all together. On the other spectrum, there were patients who were aggressive and violent. One kept swearing in Hokkien every 5 minutes.
My patient was an old lady with a solid built and lot of makeup and jewellery. She kept scolding her husband, asking him to shut up, and shouting at him everytime he tried to tell the doctor what her condition was like. She dislikes people talking behind her back. She even asked the doctor and staff nurses to shut up. I tried my best to subtly carry out the mini mental state examination without erking her wrath. Halfway thru the consultation, she said she hated to be there, and just left without a word. Poor husband. The caregiver is always the one who suffers the most, and the guy was so patient. He never talked bad about his wife, nor showed any sign of losing patience. I talked to him and tried to encourage him, asking about any hobbies or interest to keep on going in life.
I've always asked mum and dad to not only read alot as they grew old, but also to exercise their brains. I suggest sudoku, or maybe even crosswords, but im sure there's more stuff to do. Reading books and gardening wouldnt be considered exercising the brain, as they mostly involve input, and not much output. I think everyone who's witnessed what a demented person is like has the responsibility to go home and convince ur parents to never stop exercising their brains. Also to take alot of omega-3, found in fishes.
Okie, back to my report, im a professional procrastinator if there ever was such a profession, haha!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Relationshipz: A Commentary, A Confession, A Study
5pm, windy, with halos of Sun shining thru the clouds. There's a beautiful breeze blowin outside, has been all day long. Not too hot, noo too cold. Its a Chinese New Year wind, serenading the citizens of Seremban town. On the way up to Bukit Rasah, even though I was late for afternoon class, I had to stop for a minute, and just stand there in peaceful silence, letting the warm wind caress me and bring back the memories of the many Chinese New Year winds I had enjoyed in the past (also to dry my sweaty back). 23 years just pass by so fast, we barely have time to take stock of the memories we acquire with each passing day.
Im still typing out the post abt my cny adventures, but i tot i'd like to address the aforementioned issue (cheh, like writing formal letter...).
A lot of ppl have been asking me the same damn thing:
"When u gonna get girlfriend?"
"Ah Han, when u getting girlfriend?"
"Hah, u still single?"
"Jo, u want to be like Dr.Y?"
"Are u gay?"
I get tired giving the same damn old answers:
"After i go thru my housemanship first."
"Coming, Ah Yi, coming..."
"Surprised?"
"Wan to be as smart as him onli..."
"Yes, im gay, wakaka, are U too??? (followed with evil, sardonical smile)"
Society pressures us to get a girlfriend, but why? Has anybody stopped to think for awhile? True, i myself feel the pressure, the primal urge in the male hormones that yells "Woi, get up and reproduce!!" But we are not apes or baboons, we dun simply run around chasing after pheromones and humping whichever female (or unlucky male if its a really horny baboon with bilateral cataracts) we chance upon. We're in the 21st century, not the stone age. Our brains have evolved to grow the neo-cortex atop the reptilian cortex. The neo-cortex gives us control over our primal instincts, sending out the warning if we were to simply romp about: "Heard of STD?"
Society also has a negative viewpoint on guyz and gurlz who are still single. Must be sumthin wrong with that fella. That girl sure got bad history with guyz wan. He must be GAY.
I think singledom is a time when u analyze urself. Where u learn to live by ur own, and enjoy being alone, without needing companionship first. Its about being comfortable with urself, learning to draw happiness from within, not find it from without.
Yesterday in the gym, me and my friends C and CK (anonymous for now) were discussing about girls, when we chanced upon a scenario of a certain type of girl: a girl who constantly gets into a relationship, then breaks up, gets back in, then breaks up again etc.
It is very common to see ppl who get in and out of relationships rapidly, but why is it that they do so? Out of desperation because of the norms that society imposes on us? Or perhaps something lacking from within?
I had a crush on a girl recently. It went from glances to hellos'. I felt a bit of chemistry that went beyond just good looks, and i was attracted to her soft and graceful demeanor, especially her beautiful smile. Unfortunately, she was already with sumone else. So i laid the line at "friend". Months went by, casual hellos went on to asking for advice and simple msg'ing.
Then one day, when i went online, i saw her profile change from in a relationship to single. Whoosh...i quickly drew up my battle plans to take it beyond the line of friend. I am a bit of a slow person, as i prefer the steadily glowing embers of love rather than the roaring fire of passion. This is what any good Scout would know when cooking over an open fire: they want to produce good, eat-able food, not burnt bits of crisps and carbonized flakes. So my plans were to take it step by step, slooowly...
...but to my utter surprise, it went back to in a relationship in just 2 weeks. Either sumthin happened in their relationship and she was real angry at that moment, or she got a new boyfriend. Either way, that was really FAST. Im not sure which happened, but well, we're back to "just friends", and im bloody banging my head on the wall in frustration of how slow i was.
I've met many girls in the past who've seemingly cycle rapidly thru many relationships without a buffer period in between, perhaps what we might call a "refractory period".
It was like as if they had a vacuum in their hearts that constantly needed to be filled by men being in their life. Something was lacking, something they look for but cannot find as they go from one person to another, trapped in an unhappy cycle. Wanting to break out.
I always believed that a person needs at least 1 year or more after a breakup to find herself, to discover her life abit and to analyze what went wrong in the previous relationship. Thus adequate learning has taken place, before entering into a new relationship. I believe, b4 entering into a relationship, one has to be whole person first. A relationship is not where partners complement each other for traits that they dun have. People change over time, a quiet person may become an outgoing person, the humble become arrogant, the flowers stop coming in. The things that do not change are the principles u hold true to ur life, which u can only find once u have found urself, as a whole, independant person.
A relationship is (to quote SGI President Daisaku Ikeda) not two people looking into each other's eyes, but two people looking in the same direction. He quotes China Premier Zhou Enlai (i think thats his name) and his wife as an examplary couple. On his tombstone, his wife etched the words: "Zhou Enlai, husband and comrade-in-life". How wonderful if two people were to go thru life creating value all the way.
I read a book long ago (i think its still in Bukit Jalil library) titled Love: An Addiction, or sumthin like dat. Its quite an old book, so the social demographics might be outdated, but it highlighted a very important fact: how love can be addictive, and in turn, destructive. The author compares the many similarities between falling in love and taking cocaine. After a breakup, a person craves for the same love she or he had in the previous relationship, and in desperation, just grabs the next person s/he can find. This establishes a vicious cycle that a person may get stuck in forever if s/he doesnt look into their hearts to find the solution to their unhappiness.
Buddhism always teaches us to look inside for happiness, and not to find happiness on the outside. Such external raptures are temporary, at risk of disappearing in an instant. Nichiren's Buddhism classifies this amongst the Ten Worlds, our states of life an any given moment. The world of Heaven, at the 5th rung, is a place of utmost joy, but its also an unsteady place that can at anytime fall back into the lower worlds of unhappiness.
Relationships are good places to learn more about urself, to learn how to be a good spouse before getting married, to learn about how each person in this world are so different from each other, and how to live with that fact. That would be healthy relationship. A relationship shouldnt be about clinging to someone and making him/her ur source of happiness. A relationship should drive both of u to grow and do great things in life that contribute to humankind.
"I need u" has a whole different meaning from "I want to be with u".
Reader's Digest Feb 2008 had an article about a study on "attraction and soulmates" that was done in a university. A volunteer was given a personality of a made-up person, and told to mark down what he/she liked about that person. After that, the volunteer was given yet another personality, but with different traits. And so on and on...
Statistical analysis of the results showed that the optimum number of people that u should be interested in before finding the perfect mate was 9 out of 100. Means that at the 9th person u fall in love with, uv already have enough information of the type of partner u want. Less than that, u have too little information about the perfect person u should be with. More than that, ur missing out on perfect partners.
On another note, perhaps someone should do sum research and come up with a standard measurement for gauging which of the ppl around u is to be classified as acquaintance, friend, good friends, mates, boy/girlfriend. That way, we can avoid confusion and misunderstandings. Sometimes girls can be extra-friendly, and u'll be cracking ur head whether she's just playfully flirting with u, or she's seriously sending signals across (which we guys usually have ALOT of trouble interpreting).
There are things in life that need to be done quickly, like ur case report when the due date is tomorrow, but there are things that need to go slowly. Patience will be rewarded.
To that certain girl,i wish u well of a wonderful life, no matter who ur with. Look within ur heart for the happiness u seek. Fight hard in the challenges that come ur way, remember that relationships are not all what life is about and become a girl who creates value and contributes to the wellbeing of society. Answer ur calling in life, gambatte!
PS. And to anyone else asking the same questions as mentioned above, ask me medical stuff la!
Im still typing out the post abt my cny adventures, but i tot i'd like to address the aforementioned issue (cheh, like writing formal letter...).
A lot of ppl have been asking me the same damn thing:
"When u gonna get girlfriend?"
"Ah Han, when u getting girlfriend?"
"Hah, u still single?"
"Jo, u want to be like Dr.Y?"
"Are u gay?"
I get tired giving the same damn old answers:
"After i go thru my housemanship first."
"Coming, Ah Yi, coming..."
"Surprised?"
"Wan to be as smart as him onli..."
"Yes, im gay, wakaka, are U too??? (followed with evil, sardonical smile)"
Society pressures us to get a girlfriend, but why? Has anybody stopped to think for awhile? True, i myself feel the pressure, the primal urge in the male hormones that yells "Woi, get up and reproduce!!" But we are not apes or baboons, we dun simply run around chasing after pheromones and humping whichever female (or unlucky male if its a really horny baboon with bilateral cataracts) we chance upon. We're in the 21st century, not the stone age. Our brains have evolved to grow the neo-cortex atop the reptilian cortex. The neo-cortex gives us control over our primal instincts, sending out the warning if we were to simply romp about: "Heard of STD?"
Society also has a negative viewpoint on guyz and gurlz who are still single. Must be sumthin wrong with that fella. That girl sure got bad history with guyz wan. He must be GAY.
I think singledom is a time when u analyze urself. Where u learn to live by ur own, and enjoy being alone, without needing companionship first. Its about being comfortable with urself, learning to draw happiness from within, not find it from without.
Yesterday in the gym, me and my friends C and CK (anonymous for now) were discussing about girls, when we chanced upon a scenario of a certain type of girl: a girl who constantly gets into a relationship, then breaks up, gets back in, then breaks up again etc.
It is very common to see ppl who get in and out of relationships rapidly, but why is it that they do so? Out of desperation because of the norms that society imposes on us? Or perhaps something lacking from within?
I had a crush on a girl recently. It went from glances to hellos'. I felt a bit of chemistry that went beyond just good looks, and i was attracted to her soft and graceful demeanor, especially her beautiful smile. Unfortunately, she was already with sumone else. So i laid the line at "friend". Months went by, casual hellos went on to asking for advice and simple msg'ing.
Then one day, when i went online, i saw her profile change from in a relationship to single. Whoosh...i quickly drew up my battle plans to take it beyond the line of friend. I am a bit of a slow person, as i prefer the steadily glowing embers of love rather than the roaring fire of passion. This is what any good Scout would know when cooking over an open fire: they want to produce good, eat-able food, not burnt bits of crisps and carbonized flakes. So my plans were to take it step by step, slooowly...
...but to my utter surprise, it went back to in a relationship in just 2 weeks. Either sumthin happened in their relationship and she was real angry at that moment, or she got a new boyfriend. Either way, that was really FAST. Im not sure which happened, but well, we're back to "just friends", and im bloody banging my head on the wall in frustration of how slow i was.
I've met many girls in the past who've seemingly cycle rapidly thru many relationships without a buffer period in between, perhaps what we might call a "refractory period".
It was like as if they had a vacuum in their hearts that constantly needed to be filled by men being in their life. Something was lacking, something they look for but cannot find as they go from one person to another, trapped in an unhappy cycle. Wanting to break out.
I always believed that a person needs at least 1 year or more after a breakup to find herself, to discover her life abit and to analyze what went wrong in the previous relationship. Thus adequate learning has taken place, before entering into a new relationship. I believe, b4 entering into a relationship, one has to be whole person first. A relationship is not where partners complement each other for traits that they dun have. People change over time, a quiet person may become an outgoing person, the humble become arrogant, the flowers stop coming in. The things that do not change are the principles u hold true to ur life, which u can only find once u have found urself, as a whole, independant person.
A relationship is (to quote SGI President Daisaku Ikeda) not two people looking into each other's eyes, but two people looking in the same direction. He quotes China Premier Zhou Enlai (i think thats his name) and his wife as an examplary couple. On his tombstone, his wife etched the words: "Zhou Enlai, husband and comrade-in-life". How wonderful if two people were to go thru life creating value all the way.
I read a book long ago (i think its still in Bukit Jalil library) titled Love: An Addiction, or sumthin like dat. Its quite an old book, so the social demographics might be outdated, but it highlighted a very important fact: how love can be addictive, and in turn, destructive. The author compares the many similarities between falling in love and taking cocaine. After a breakup, a person craves for the same love she or he had in the previous relationship, and in desperation, just grabs the next person s/he can find. This establishes a vicious cycle that a person may get stuck in forever if s/he doesnt look into their hearts to find the solution to their unhappiness.
Buddhism always teaches us to look inside for happiness, and not to find happiness on the outside. Such external raptures are temporary, at risk of disappearing in an instant. Nichiren's Buddhism classifies this amongst the Ten Worlds, our states of life an any given moment. The world of Heaven, at the 5th rung, is a place of utmost joy, but its also an unsteady place that can at anytime fall back into the lower worlds of unhappiness.
Relationships are good places to learn more about urself, to learn how to be a good spouse before getting married, to learn about how each person in this world are so different from each other, and how to live with that fact. That would be healthy relationship. A relationship shouldnt be about clinging to someone and making him/her ur source of happiness. A relationship should drive both of u to grow and do great things in life that contribute to humankind.
"I need u" has a whole different meaning from "I want to be with u".
Reader's Digest Feb 2008 had an article about a study on "attraction and soulmates" that was done in a university. A volunteer was given a personality of a made-up person, and told to mark down what he/she liked about that person. After that, the volunteer was given yet another personality, but with different traits. And so on and on...
Statistical analysis of the results showed that the optimum number of people that u should be interested in before finding the perfect mate was 9 out of 100. Means that at the 9th person u fall in love with, uv already have enough information of the type of partner u want. Less than that, u have too little information about the perfect person u should be with. More than that, ur missing out on perfect partners.
On another note, perhaps someone should do sum research and come up with a standard measurement for gauging which of the ppl around u is to be classified as acquaintance, friend, good friends, mates, boy/girlfriend. That way, we can avoid confusion and misunderstandings. Sometimes girls can be extra-friendly, and u'll be cracking ur head whether she's just playfully flirting with u, or she's seriously sending signals across (which we guys usually have ALOT of trouble interpreting).
There are things in life that need to be done quickly, like ur case report when the due date is tomorrow, but there are things that need to go slowly. Patience will be rewarded.
To that certain girl,i wish u well of a wonderful life, no matter who ur with. Look within ur heart for the happiness u seek. Fight hard in the challenges that come ur way, remember that relationships are not all what life is about and become a girl who creates value and contributes to the wellbeing of society. Answer ur calling in life, gambatte!
PS. And to anyone else asking the same questions as mentioned above, ask me medical stuff la!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Chinese New Year Celebrationz, Long Lost Cousins
Been clownin around with the SLR the last few days, do check out my shots at flickr.com, link on the left. Also gettin owned constantly in UT2004 ever since i pushed the difficulty up one notch to "adept". Now i know wat it feels like to be always owned.
CNY in 3 more days! Sem7s studyin like mad, kinda unfortunate to have their finalz next Monday. Yikez, our turn next year durin sem10. Oh well, live life, study hard and enjoy the little moments! Gambate sem7z!
DISTANT RELATIVES
Every year go back to Malacca see relatives, always got many changes (or perhaps its just dat we go back only once a year). Cousins grow up, new businesses are started, fortunes are made...its life in the motion. But very important to stay in contact with the family. Very sad we dun keep in touch with dad's family in Spore, only visit mum's side in Malacca. Lost touch with Spore cousins, i dun even tink they remember our names edi. Me too, only know big Ah Man, he and sis doctors. In fact, the whole of dad's side is filled with docs. Heard Ah Man gonna get married soon, den i show up at his wedding as Mr. "Long-lost-harr-i-din-noe-i-have-cousins-in-Malaysia". I think its important to always spend quality time with relatives, wat more with ur parents and siblings when we go to work and get married dat time. The family unit is very precious, must treasure the moments together!
MASSIVE CLEAN-UP
Wednesday goin back, gotta do the traditional "clean-up grandad's hse", a gigantic and levithanous operation led by our 2nd Uncle, Ah Ku, who somehow manages to keep his sanity and plods along steadily thruout the ordeal.
Nails, broken glass, fridges, TVs, old BMWs (and 1 Mercedes), dogs (and their fur), snakes, a biawak or two, tools, overflowin sheds...yup, its a jungle when we get there. We're gonna pull out the furniture into the sun and give em some swabbin. Move out all the junk (exercise machines, more tools, nails, glass) and flood the place with clean water and soap. Maybe chase out a snake or two. Then we shove everythin back in, and we can all sit down half-dead for a nice reunion dinner b4 awaiting the firecrackers at midnite.
CNY ATMOSPHERE
Everytime near CNY always got famous chinese new year breeze. Its a warm, nice and lazy wind that blows even into usually dry places, makes u wanna lie down and dream the days away. Malacca is very fortunate to be by the sea, so anytime of the year sure got "CNY wind", very cooling.
Oh yeah, must not 4get to eat tim sum at Bachang road. Always packed dem full, have to fight and wrestle with lotsa ppl lining up (or rather, crowding) near the wok, just to get a damn pau. But its worth the wait, no where in Msia can u get the same quality of tim sum as Malacca, especially the fried oysters. At nite go visit Malacca town and all the decorations, watch the city come to live at night. Jonker Street is a happenin place, dem crowded, all the ang mohs, trinkets sold at dem cheap price, all kinda weird stuff, like durian ice kacang (yuckz). Must take pics and show u guyz.
Can still remember a time when we would always buy tons of firecracker (enuf to start a terrorist cell). The loud ones, the colorful ones, rockets that burst into beautiful sights, wow, u had to pause every few minutes to let the smoke clear. We'd light up some huge rocket powerful enuf to send u to the moon, and run away screaming as the rocket screams in a perpendicular direction. The whole family wud be outside sittin on plastic chairs enjoyin the sights, and we kids wud be in the middle of the action.
Dat brings back memories of my childhood, spent alot in Malacca when we went back at least twice a month on the weekends. The rides on boats at the recreation forests, flying kites at the park, climbing mango and rambutan trees to pick the fruits, cycling thru the streets and shouting at the top of our lungs (Malacca cars drive very slowly), playing in the small plastic pool, making cities in the sand dunes, enjoyin the breeze from the sea as we had breakfast at the beach...ah, precious memories kept close to the heart. Now we grow up, have work to do, technology takes over the kites and toy guns and well...relatives grow distant. Now we only go back at most twice a year. Kinda sad, when we take relatives for granted.
Must teach my children next time to enjoy the simple things in life, keep em away from Astro and UT2004.
AND ITS BACK TO SCHOOL...
Den itz back to school on Monday, gotta clerk pt, finish damned elective and selective reports, got seminar to prepare on space-flight and effects on bone metabolism, print out audit report...sigh, work never lets up hor. Problems are part of life, makes u grow, and most of all, gain qualities such as courage, hardworkiness, confidence. These are the things that true happiness is built around, happiness dat is not affected by ur surroundings. Hold true to ur principles, and u will be a happy man (and woman).
Gambate C107! Happy Chinese New Year ppl!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Low Pay, Great Wills, Ethical Problems
Currently im owning all matches in Unreal Tournament at Skilled difficulty, watch me gloat over the dead bodies of my enemies, muahaha!
BAD PAYS IN GOVERNMENT SERVICE
I was asking Dr.Y yesterday abt how much docs earn in gov hospitals, and he gave me a measly 5-6,000 salary, i went "Holy crap, dats not worth all the hell we go thru!" In fact, all specialists (dats U41) get the same amount of pay, whether ur in dermato or neurosurgery. Of course, they take into account senority and stuff, but it seldom hits the magic 10,000. Family med specialists oso dun seem to do well, mostly in the 5-6,000 region, whether in private or gov.
In contrast, today Dr.S told us dat in ortho surgery in private, u can earn up to 120,000 a month, Chung's eyeballs nearly popped out when he heard dat (he wuz targeting 20,000 a month b4 he reached 40). I could not believe my ears. Even the most retarded of ortho surgeons earn 80,000 a month. Of course, ortho is only for the toppest of students, the cream of the crop, and its murder just fighting for a place in Msia's Masters programme.
I like ortho, but hate to stay up late on-calls and in OT for hours thru and thru with no time for a family. I like the repairing and designing of devices to help the disabled. And most of all, i like the salary.
I liked family med from day 1, the pride of taking care of many families for generations. The creativity needed to come up with treatment plans for pts with multiple diseases. And treatment is not just medicine, but lifestyle changes. Its how u try to plan innovatively around pts problems. Oso no need on-call, so got time for familu, friends and soka activities. However, as in the US and UK, the salary is not very appealing. Like Dr.Y says, it all comes down to whether u love ur job.
OF GREAT WILLS BUT ETHICAL ISSUES
Today my lecturer gave me some good advice on life.
I mentioned dat ortho must be dem hard to get into to Dr.S. He said it did not matter, and gave a simple (but long forgotten advice):
"When there is the Will, there is the Way."
He cited a simple example. "If u were to go after a girl, even if she was already booked, if u have the determination and perseverance aka. Will, u will get her."
That brought up an ethical issue, and i kept thinkin about it as i drove back from Sban. I also once discussed this with friends, and we argued but came to no concrete conclusion.
Is this gf-stealing? Are u all out to destroy a relationship? What happens if u find urself "clicking" very well with a girl who already has a bf? Proceed to court her? Sigh, then when u get a gf, u have to expend a lot of energy to keep her. What are the boundaries between u and a not-single girl who ur very close to? The lines are very vague. This is not a moral issue since there are no real rules written by society, but more of a ethical issue, where conscience is troubled.
"The best man wins." So Dr.S says. Then it is true, it is a dog eat dog world out there, where the strongest survives. Courtship can be a subtle but deadly game where powerful emotions run high. U have to be (as Dr.S says) slick, getting ahead of others in the game while being subtle enough as to not appear too aggressive to ur target.
Then again, life is too broad to just focus on getting into a relationship. Must focus on enjoying other things, like owning in UT!
Die! Die! Die!
__________
BAD PAYS IN GOVERNMENT SERVICE
I was asking Dr.Y yesterday abt how much docs earn in gov hospitals, and he gave me a measly 5-6,000 salary, i went "Holy crap, dats not worth all the hell we go thru!" In fact, all specialists (dats U41) get the same amount of pay, whether ur in dermato or neurosurgery. Of course, they take into account senority and stuff, but it seldom hits the magic 10,000. Family med specialists oso dun seem to do well, mostly in the 5-6,000 region, whether in private or gov.
In contrast, today Dr.S told us dat in ortho surgery in private, u can earn up to 120,000 a month, Chung's eyeballs nearly popped out when he heard dat (he wuz targeting 20,000 a month b4 he reached 40). I could not believe my ears. Even the most retarded of ortho surgeons earn 80,000 a month. Of course, ortho is only for the toppest of students, the cream of the crop, and its murder just fighting for a place in Msia's Masters programme.
I like ortho, but hate to stay up late on-calls and in OT for hours thru and thru with no time for a family. I like the repairing and designing of devices to help the disabled. And most of all, i like the salary.
I liked family med from day 1, the pride of taking care of many families for generations. The creativity needed to come up with treatment plans for pts with multiple diseases. And treatment is not just medicine, but lifestyle changes. Its how u try to plan innovatively around pts problems. Oso no need on-call, so got time for familu, friends and soka activities. However, as in the US and UK, the salary is not very appealing. Like Dr.Y says, it all comes down to whether u love ur job.
__________
OF GREAT WILLS BUT ETHICAL ISSUES
Today my lecturer gave me some good advice on life.
I mentioned dat ortho must be dem hard to get into to Dr.S. He said it did not matter, and gave a simple (but long forgotten advice):
"When there is the Will, there is the Way."
He cited a simple example. "If u were to go after a girl, even if she was already booked, if u have the determination and perseverance aka. Will, u will get her."
That brought up an ethical issue, and i kept thinkin about it as i drove back from Sban. I also once discussed this with friends, and we argued but came to no concrete conclusion.
Is this gf-stealing? Are u all out to destroy a relationship? What happens if u find urself "clicking" very well with a girl who already has a bf? Proceed to court her? Sigh, then when u get a gf, u have to expend a lot of energy to keep her. What are the boundaries between u and a not-single girl who ur very close to? The lines are very vague. This is not a moral issue since there are no real rules written by society, but more of a ethical issue, where conscience is troubled.
"The best man wins." So Dr.S says. Then it is true, it is a dog eat dog world out there, where the strongest survives. Courtship can be a subtle but deadly game where powerful emotions run high. U have to be (as Dr.S says) slick, getting ahead of others in the game while being subtle enough as to not appear too aggressive to ur target.
__________
Then again, life is too broad to just focus on getting into a relationship. Must focus on enjoying other things, like owning in UT!
Die! Die! Die!
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