Rainy dayz are here

Non-stop raining last few days. SS3 now dengue heaven, dem lotsa mosquitoes. Every other day will have truck come and flood our place with malathion, still mosquitoes come back in legions.

Nearly finished Warcraft 3, but chickened out at last nigth elf level. I think this is some kinda bad habit, what with me always chickening out b4 completing something, must be sum Freudian thingy.

Yesterday came down with a bad case of food poisoning, went to doc at 4am after couldnt sleep whole nite, rolled around in bed with every wave of pain, and rushin to toilet every 30 minutes. Goddamned doc charged me RM45 for medications (PCM, buscopan, lomotil and antibiotics which i dont know why he prescribed for a likely viral AGE, he kept insisting it was bacterial). I mean, hey, we're fellow docs, why the high charge (supposed to be even free of charge)? I once went to a private dermatologist and he charged me only RM30. He waived the specialist fee (for him it was RM75) and charged me for the medications only, which included some high tech demato meds which i cant remember now (some kinda alternative to steroids). But here's an ordinary GP who's treating me for a simple AGE and charging a fellow doctor RM45! Didnt read ur Hippocratic Oath eh...

I once heard a doctor said "Doctors are the worst patients." Haha, mebe there is some truth to it! I also once met an MO who was warded, insisted on 1st class room (thats with the air-cond) and only allowed MOs to poke him wit needles. He kept questioning the houseman, and tried to discuss his disease with the rounding specialist with an "airy" tone. Once out of the room, the rounding docs and nurses kept bad-mouthing him, haha...

Now still enjoyin holidays, kinda rotting at home. Once in awhile go out to exercise, if not, will be in front of new computer playing Fallout 3. Yeah, after waiting since 2000 when Fallout 2 was at its peak, playing Fallout 3 was really nostalgic. Now it comes with beautiful violence and bloodshed cranked up to full 3D spectacularity! I usually play 2 hours into the game b4 the computer overheats and crashes.

Tried to read Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time. Supposed to be for layman, but so much of high-tech physics inside that I kinda got lost with every paragraph, and went skipping to the next in hopes of understanding what his trying to say. Just now read that the Universe is ever expanding, and how (in theory) that if u walked until the end of the Universe u'll come back to the starting point where u left. Also time runs slower when near a huge mass (like Earth), so two twins separated at birth, one put in a spaceship while the other stays on Earth, the one up there in space will age faster. Hmmm, so much physics, dem good way to kill time...

Caterpillar invasion

Recently a plant growing in the backyard had started to creep thru the kitchen windows, and what with us leavin the kitchen lights on at night for security sake, the plant slowly grew longer and longer towards the fluorescent tube. Ah, what we learnt when we were little kiddies at school, plant grows towards light. Wanted to take a photo and post it here.

Imagine my surprise when i came back from KL today and saw all the leaves gone. Only the branches were left hangin in the air. I suddenly noted the door next to the windows having multiple black streaks. I thought they were fungi grown over a span of two nights (since I went back to KL). When i went closer to inspect, my surprise turned to horror as they turned out to be numerous black furry caterpillars, all sleeping in the lazy afternoon air.

FIGURE 1. Naked plant, totally no more leaves left. Must have been a whole swarm dat ate all the leaves up.

FIGURE 2. Horror film on the kitchen floor. Damn frickin creepy!


I quickly grabbed a roll of newspaper and massacred the lot (okay, so Im a Buddhist, but hey, at least a whole lot of em get to be reborned somewhere else, hopefully not as caterpillars again). But they kept coming in, and up until now, they're getting bigger and bigger (seems like there's more food to eat now, less competition). As of 11.30pm Sunday, I've notched 36 on the kill-list and counting. One hairy bugger made it all the way to my room door, smacked that sob and left a yucky splat on my door. Ah, I get to see caterpillar entrails close-up as well (who'd imagine caterpillars having a GI system). I tried using Shieldtox on the ones higher up on the walls, turns out they go cranky when sprayed by mosquitocide. Most of them crawled along slowly, but I did see some of the leaner ones speed across the kitchen floor.



FIGURE 3. One of the little buggers close up (or rather, half of the little bugger, other half was on the roll of newspaper).

FIGURE 4. Murder weapon: The Sunday Star Health section.

The whole kitchen smells weird now, Im waiting for the corpses to dry up b4 sweeping them up. Bastards keep comin in, scary part is, they're getting bigger by the minute. I've barricaded the kitchen door, hopefully none will crawl under it to my room (haha, like some horror film). Im afraid that if I open the backdoor, I'll see the whole of the other side crawling with these little bastards. Check this out online: link.

The first caterpillar I see in my bedroom, Im movin straight back to KL. Goddamn creepy, finalz nearby or not.

Oh ya, Happy Valentine's day to all Singles out there! Haha, at least WE don't have to crack our heads on what to buy as a gift.

Life a Big Competition?

Today i finally left the hospital with a sense of relief. The last 2 months have been the busiest i have ever lead in my life. Struggled to finish 4 portfolios (and now left 1 ortho portfolio, have to redo gynae wan too...sobz...), juggling kampung angkat stuff, passed up my 4th Buddhist exam assignment, organising stuff for band study committee and finally, having to cover de wards. Very lacking in knowledge cuz so little time to study my books.

I think this was a great chance to build character. Next time when dying as a houseman, must learn to make time to enjoy life too.

I tink life is a lot like a huge competition. Have to compete alot during these 2 postings. Fight for case, fight to get into clinic for good doctor, fight for books, refusing to share knowledge cuz others not as smart as you, fight to scrub in for surgery etc. Next time oso as doctor, have to fight to do procedure, get ur boss's attention so can do specialisation etc. When others shine, u have to shine more or be outshined.

Some ppl say its foolish to compete with others, u only race with ur own self. I tink dat wud be ignorant, cuz u never know where ur standing if u dont compare ur standards with others.

Is it our Malaysian mentality to be the best? Kiasu-ism is okay so long as other ppl are not compromised. But when there's only one chance up for grabs and everyone is fighting for it, do we sacrifice the "sharing" attitude? Survival of the fittest. Dog eat dog world.

Sigh, must always be on my toes. Muz learn to just chill out once in awhile though.

New Life dOWN SOUtH

Wah...holidayz juz fly past so fast...nxt thing u know, ur back in Johor.

Life down there is kinda busy, u juz have to find little pockets to enjoy ur own time. Im doin my OnG now, 2nd busiest posting after surgery if im not mistaken.

Every week got 1 on-call, and have to do 1 weekend call. Kinda like back in S, but dunno why everyone so freaked out abt it. Mebe last time no one monitor, no threat of failing sem10, so dat time can slack. Dis time we dun dare to do so. We'll be at labour room, start at 7pm and last thru 5am, but if 4am no mothers, can get sum sleep in the dark storeroom (got sofa there) until 7.30am, where u do ur ward rounds. Dem tiring, not used to so little sleep, next morning fall asleep while clerking patients. Like Jin Aun say, staying up to DOTA and on-call is not the same, so no advantage for DOTA players.

Lecturer at first everyone hate, if u mess up abit, kena cubit or detention class (means public holiday have to on-call from 8am to 12am). Wah, i kena cubit dem alot of times edi, apparently for asking stupid questions. My subcute layer wan to necrose edi. But after awhile, u realise he's just training u to be a real HO, experience how actual HO life is. True, got torture, but muz learn to balance time, muz be able to handle a lot of things at one time, no excuses. Haha, alot like DS back in S, but a younger (and rounder) version perhaps.

Have to kill each other for portfolio cases and assisting gynae operations for logbook signature. 1 person kenot take same pt for portfolio case, and gynae ward like dem few good cases for portfolio. Wah, dat day i waited from 9am to 6pm for one simple DnC, juz to get gynae op signature. Wait until wan2 die. Dats de most expensive signature i ever got le. System dem messed up le, dun promote teamwork, instead promote animosity.

Place im stayin is a beautiful and quiet suburb. Got mountain scene at the back, hospital is very near the forests. Very cool, seldom hot, even in the afternoons. Evening got dem strong wind, open kitchen door and front door, wah, so breezy no need open fan. Oso got beautiful park nearby to jog around. Alot of places to makan nearby, my chap fan source now either 5 minute drive to town, or old uncle with his shop on a bicycle who sells quite tasty chap fan. Things here oso dem cheap, nobody ketuk u even though they know u IMU student.

Kinda happenin town, even more things to eat. Got 2 malls and 1 Carrefour and lotsa hotels. Oso dee famous MCA hotel. Dem steamy inside, even wit de air-conditioning.

But my room dem small, like 2/3 of library discussion room 2. Juz enuf for 1 bed, 1 table and 1 bookshelf. Every morning have to re-arrange furniture to get around room. Haha, my little "Hobbit-hole" for de nxt 5 months.

Oso got a few tong sampah thieves around our street. My hse and Brandon's hse always tong sampah missing wan, apparently aunty nxt door told me got thieves like to steal IMU student's tong sampah. Hmm...can melt and put into milk to make more concentrated?

Haha, now back to stupid CFCS report, can never seem to finish it...

A Tale of Fruits and Vegetables (and other Assorted Eat-ables)

Guys, i think de debate has gone long enuf, time to focus back on EOS-9. Haha, thank u for visiting my blog, sad huh, only when got big hoohaa den ppl wan2 read :o). I've deleted the previous comments (wow...67 comments...fell off my chair when i logged on last nite) cuz i think it only promotes disunity in our batch and hurts ppl's feelings.

Entertaining, and satisfying for some (ie. can take sniper-shots at each other without knowing who shot who), but to wat extent is it useful to our lives as future doctors?

I leave u with my last comment.

Thank u and no probz, enjoyed being ur batch rep, i untung from classes, u untung from classes.

I think unfair le to call ppl rotten eggs. Everyone got different way of living, different way of looking at life. Not fair to impose upon other ppl wat u think is right or wrong. Best thing is to work together no matter wat kinda fruit or vegetable u are.

Even better, use ppl's differences to untung together. Next time u might be the physician who has to work closely with de surgeon who u think is dem arrogant (who in turn thinks ur the arrogant guy from medicine). How then? Pt die on table cuz u both arguing whether to cut the blue or red vessel?

So why not turn de negative energy into something positive to benefit everyone? U happy, i happy. Let's develop dat attitude in sem10 ya!

Now, after sem9 (or sem10 if u want to be sure), do go say thank u and show gratitude to the teachers who've helped u.

Ppl make mistakes, most important they learn from it. Allow ppl to make mistakes, u get to learn along as well. Yikes, next time u get married and u find HUNDREDS of mistake with ur spouse, everyday throw eggs at each other ka?

Cheok, thank u for being so brave to make the public apology! Thats how a MAN shud be!

And a big thank u to all lecturers who've worked hard to help us, especially during our last days in sem9, de most crucial period. We will strive to become great doctors, and wont dissapoint u all!

Gambate C2/06 for EOS-9, we WILL all meet and suffer together in BP!

ps. My blog stubbornly appears on yahoo, altavista etc. Guys, wan to post comment, try not to use lecturers direct names or our uni's abbrevation, scard someone google hard enuf, and its the whole friendster blog issue again (sigh, dat wuz 91 posts and 80 comments down de drain...boohoo...).

Revision Classes, Generous Lecturers.

Few days ago we made a beloved lecturer angry. Very sad, after he has given us so much and asked for nothing in return, we caused him a lot of trouble. I agree, when he mentioned that we have trangressed his sincerity.

This has gotten me to realise something.

I think we, as a batch, have been quite unappreciative of a few lecturers who have given their time to give us these revision classes. Remember, they're not paid a single cent, they've used a lot of their time (in the above case, 2 hours each time le), and some have risked their position to access stuff. And a lot of big lecturers are not happy with these lecturers giving us the extra classes.

A word of thank you would be the bare minimum for them, but hell, sometimes its only 2 or 3 ppl in the front row who thank these lecturers when they go off. I feel very bad, having to arrange classes with these doctors cuz some of them get nothing in return, and yet are still eager to give us extra classes. I end up thanking them profusely to represent the whole batch (and sometimes make sure i say my thank u as loud as possible in hopes everyone gets the cue after a class). And some ppl think im sucking up to the lecturers, thats the worst part. Not easy being a batch rep huh, tryin to please everyone...

Its high time we showed our gratitude. A personal card, gift or maybe even a free lunch (a few have requested for that, and heck, a few had missed their lunch just to teach us). A doctor in the hospital offered to give my friends and me "tuition" for rm60 an hour. Our lecturers got nil. Please, do show these generous lecturers ur gratitude, no matter how big a doctor they are, they're still humans too.

Role-Models

I realised sometime ago that both lecturers and seniors serve as role-models for us to learn from.

During gynae, we went to PD and got SD for teaching. Well, from the start we got the shelling edi. As we were moving from one bed to the other, my friend asked me sumthin about the last pt. SD got really upset. "I am trying to teach here and this clowns are talking behind me," he told the accompanying MO. "Listen to me when I'm talking!" he screamed at us. "Observe how I interact with patients! How I give consultation, what mistakes ur seniors are making, how I comfort pt!"

Even though I didnt get to take down a shred of note dat day, I learnt alot of lessons about character. I realised that there is more to just tailing doctors while they do their ward rounds and waiting for them to directly teach us med students. I think we should take active steps to try and be inspired by them as they do their work. Watch how they talk to patients, try to follow their train of thoughts as they work out the management for a complex case.

I take my inspiration to be as hardworking as possible and to share what I have learnt with others (in contrast to ppl who are really kiasu and dont wan to share stuff) from the juniors one batch before ours. They are really an amazing batch, demonstrating hardworkingness and always helping each other out without having a sense of superiority over each other or fear of lookin stupid in front of the smarter students.

I was inspired to study out of topic for the sake of being a safe doctor by a really super senior, now workin in Sabah i think. He knew how to read ECGs long before others, and always organized things into categories and lists. He also said to not always trust textbooks, and to always see what was REALLY happening in the wards.

My inspiration to become a doctor with a sense of mission comes from 5 lecturers who really demonstrated sumthin far more than just a lecturer.

I found this quote while studyin for a Buddhist exam that I'd like to share with u all. Tsunesaburo Makiguchi, a Japanese teacher and founding father of SGI, writes:

"We learn how to live by imitating others. We observe what others do and copy what we see, trusting in their example. The same is true of flower arrangement, dance, kendo, judo or any other art or skill. We trust our teachers and do what they say. After mastering imitation, we move on to creativity. That is how one learns to live."

Ah, my last imitation was also during gynae, where i "imitated" one of our lecturers who kept sayin "give me 5 causes of recurrent miscarriage" or "tell me 10 causes of PPH". I find that assigning lists a set number or grouping things into categories make them easier to memorize. Another gynae lecturer told about how during his student days, med students had vivas, so the nite b4 exams they would be practicing non-stop. I tried that the other day, pretending i wuz at a viva, and found the learning experience to be quite fun (and u can ensure u know all ur stuff about a disease).

Our time here at uni is not all about memorizing stuff, but to also glean as much as possible from the characters of outstanding ppl around us. And that leads us to becoming great and competent doctors (and also give SD some peace of mind, now dat would be a great way to pay back for all the teachings he gave us). Gambateh for finalz!

Near-Fail Experience

Gynae clinical exam wuz quite bad on Thurs. Couldnt get a proper history from patient, confused her with too detailed questioning, but she had so many symptoms that i had to filter out the really significant ones. She was a 48 year-old who had a thyroid problem, a fibroid and presented with a mysterious cyclical bleeding with dysmenorrhea. Menses irregular, sumtimes 3 days, sumtimes 2 weeks, i suspected the 3 days wuz intermenstrual bleeding.

Spent alot of time clerking, abt 30mins, left onli 10mins to examine. No chaperone, everyone left for CME, super-panicked, luckily got juniorz next door safe us 3 guys. Now have to belanja them makan...

Dem shocked, last min Dr.Z couldnt make it, ended up having Dr.VS. From someone who gave quite good grades, to someone who failed u cuz u didnt palpate liver and spleen in obs case. Presented history dem kelam-kabut. I reported no findings on examination, he asked me to palpate the abdomen again, still i didnt feel anythin. He palpated, then took my hand and placed it on the suprapubic area. Crap, got mass....

I knew he wuz goin to fail me for missing de fibroid, but i kept my spirit up and din give up under the questionin. Later in the afternoon, i timidly asked him whether i had failed. He said he wuz goin to fail me for missin such an important finding, but reconsidered when he considered how complex the case wuz and i didnt miss the thyroid findings.

Dr.Vs then told me the 4 mistakes that lecturers will fail students for:

1. A student killed the patient bcuz of carelessness.

2. A student lied.

3. A student displayed an attitude problem (getting cocky with lecturers, or rude to patients).

4. A student kept talking nonsense.

Im sure we know friends and batchmates who've (perhaps unknowingly) commited these mistakes. Ah, now we now the 4 cardinal "sins" to avoid when goin for a viva or clinical exam!

Remaining Singletons, Desperate Times

Holy cow, a junior juz informed me dat we only had 7 single guys in our batch onli, our batch of 63 ppl. Crap, sum of us juz study, study, study...and 4got all about gettin a girl. Jeez, dats not a good thing! I thought damn hard of the guyz who were single just to dispute her, and i couldnt count up to 6! Now dats worryin...

J
Y2
TS
TL
ST
W

I cant think of the 7th fella, but heck, if u girls out there are lookin for handsome med students with charm and an attitude, plz come to IMU and study, we'll meet u when u get posted as a houseman (housegirl more like it) and we're already macho MO's throwin our weights around when the specialist is at home.

A Useless Lecturer...and a Great Teacher

Haha, time for me bitch abit, let off some steam after a tension-filled exam week.

Recently got told off for smiling and apparently "laughing" at a patient during class by one tight-ass of a lecturer. What more, in front of our fellow elective students, wah, dem freakin embarassing. Outta de blue he looked to me and said, "Why are u smiling? I've seen u smilling all this time. Do u know ur disturbing the class? Whats so funny about the patient?"

He then spent the next 3.5 hours calling authors of various books, "not clinicians, they never go to ward..all that is wrong..." and correcting the dosages of TB medications in the CPG. Wow, he's suddenly smarter that the whole MOH commitee who made that CPG. Ah, i could have been doing better things, like studying desperately for my exams, rather than listen to someone brag about how great his knowledge is that it surpasses all textbooks. I list 2 interesting points he insisted that he was right:

1. On percussion, pleural effusion is dull, while solid masses are stony dull.

2. An empyema is a pleural effusion.

Apparently, we also heard that he criticized one of our previous lecturer who we always looked up to. And using our lecturer's name as well, during class in front of students. Dats the biggest med ethics error to make: criticizing a fellow doctor (haha, that makes two of us!). Tsk tsk tsk, bad move, it may have been during just one class, but the whole uni knows about it edi. And of course, as with all rumors, it gets twisted up and added on to along the way, so it wasnt surprising how evil a picture was painted of him at the end of the receiving line.

Amazing, I've rarely met doctors who u can learn what NOT to be. What an arrogant tit. Ah, take ur damned degrees and shove it up ur stenosed butthole.

I believe every academic doctor has a heavy role to play. Not just to teach, but to inspire their students. Very hard to find such teachers, and I shall now give one of them their due appreciation here.

I still remember, back in sem6, i was walking up the stairs and bumped into this doctor with a waist pouch at level 4. Amusing to see doctors walking around with a waistpouch, reminded me of mum and dad. I always saw her eating at a place i eat across the street. Well, there was a piece of rubbish on the floor, and before I could pick it up, she bent down to pick it up and threw it into the bin. I was touched by such a simple and humble act. A doctor doing such thing in front of a medical student? Quite unheard of. Later, when I found out how big this "little" doctor was, i was even more touched. Funny, its the greatest teachers up there who are the humblest people of all.

True, she may have made many stinging comments, and we all fear her case presentation sessions (we'd stay up like mad trying to cover every patient in the whole ward), but every of her sessions was worth more than the RM31,000 we'd pump into every semester. Two things I gained during her sessions that have stayed with me till now.

1.
She inspired us on how to take an intelligent history, not just for the sake of presenting during class. How to carry out a very rigorous physical examination, and not having to take too much time. Practice, practice and practice. What you dont know, quickly go back to the textbook to reference, then return to the patient. Then, use ur history and PE to come to an intelligent diagnosis, not just shotgun ur way with a long mindless list of differentials. I found out that was a very effective way of studying medicine.

2.
And she demonstrated humility when in front of patients, treating them as true human beings, not some "case" for presentation. I was impressed by how she turned from a high-ranking doctor to a fellow human being when dealing with a patient (and how she turned back to being very, very sharp when turning back to us naive students :o).

I may have screwed up Paediatrics (i still hate it), but i think thats the most precious lessons i got from the posting, how to take a powerful history and do a thorough PE, and how to be humble. Everytime we met for class, she would always correct our techniques, trying to fine-tune our skills. Seldom have i bumped into a lecturer who would take great pains to raise us as future doctors.

Its rare to find such teachers. Best to learn as much as we can from them and be inspired. I'd bet 75% of all the knowledge we get here at med school we'd forget, but its the character that we've built thru being inspired by such great people that'd stay for the rest of our lives. Now dats worth all the RM270,000 our parents have invested for, to see their children grow up to become powerful characters.

I leave u with 2 of her quotes that have been my favorite:

"I fail u in exams for ur sake. I fail u in the finals for the public's sake."

"We as doctors are both scientists, and humanists."

And, yeah, examz are over, holz are here!

Tips: Pumping Petrol

I still remembered my SAM English teacher saying, "It's pump gas, not petrol." Ah, English.

Well, someone left an article about pumping gas on the desktop of the library computer. Here are the tips without the long-winded scientific explainations behind em:

1. Fill up in the morning when the ground temperature is cold (colder petrol, denser petrol, ur car takes in less air).
2. When filling up, do not squeeze too fast (pump handle has 3 modes, squeeze at fast mode, and petrol will turn to vapour on entering ur tank).
3. Fill up when ur tank is already half full (petrol station storage tanks have an internal floating roof to minimize evaporation).
4. Do not fill up when a fuel tanker is pumping into the petrol station storage tanks (the fuel underneath is being stirred around, most likely stirring up the debris and dirt at the bottom as well).

These tips were by a certain Ramesh Patel who works at a Durban pipeline. Haha, in this internet age where misinformation can spread damn right fast thru the entire world, we're not sure if this is for real or a hoax, but no harm in practicin em, eh?

Klang Exchange and Performance

11.30pm, warm and humid outside. Back from band practice. Today got new song, Rising Sun, its cute and cool at the same time. Played with Rainbow Choir, dem alot of children (about 50 i tink) singing and dancin along, kinda even cooler. Playin mostly bass parts, but still dem cool. First time see score, so play and play and play b4 rehearse with kids, blow so hard until giddy after every 20 or 30 bars. Haha, just changed reeds, dem hard, have to mature it again.

Tmrw have to wake up early for performance at Wisma Kebudayaan, opening ceremony for some exhibition. Last minute called up to perform, must be ever-ready to play music!

Paeds paper was a killer, got 2 out of 4 diagnosis right only. Sigh, most likely fail again. Swear i will not specialise in paeds next time. What did i do to kids in my past life to earn such bad karma? Did i sacrificed em atop ziggurats as an evil Mayan priest or sumthin?

Last Sat went down to Klang to exhange with the SGM Klang Kiboo Kotekitai and Music Inspiration Band, MIB (formerly known as Music Instructors Band). MIB has been 'assimilated' into RM gov band, so they've been mixed up with the other race, which have resulted in the overall standard being dragged down by certain players who are just paid to run the screwed up RM programme and have not a single iota of passion for playing music. MIB is a dem high standard band, from wat i hear when they played in past exchanges.

Me, Pak Kin (our bassoonist) and my other bass clarinetist were grouped with this idiot from RM, the other race. He bought his bass clarinet for only RM2000 over E-bay. Dats cheaper than a beginner's clarinet. The brand is called "Woodwind", made in China. Not dat i condemn things from China, but heck, i was expecting a Selmer or at least a Yamaha, not a woodwind instrument branded "Woodwind". Well, he came 5 hours late to our sectional, took his sweet time to set up and warm up, and bcuz he was older than us, didnt take us seriously. When he started to play, i knew he didnt know how to play the bass clarinet, let alone any reed instrument. He had the goldfish embochure, which meant his cheeks bulged out. He couldnt find the Eb key.

Pak Kin, my partner and I looked helplessly at each other. Who was goin to train this clown? Ah, 2 pairs of eyes were lookin at me. "Doctor, can u help our friend?"

So...

...I spent the next 1.5 hours outside the room tryin to correct his embochure and get him to play the right notes before our public performance in front of Klang members and non-members the next day. Barely played 1/5th of the 3-band-combine song with him. So this is what the gov money is spent on eh...

Sigh, i pity Mr. Lee when he conducts the MIB with all these jokers around. Hell, he and the MIB original conductor just didnt care and spoke mandarin during the 3 band combine rehearsals. And sigh, i was expecting to exchange with a skilled MIB bass clarinetist and learn some killer skills, not some clown from the gov. Wasted my time tryin to teach him. He didnt care about all the tips i shared with him about playing music, just kept playin the same mistakes over and over again. I wuz tryin like hell not to get angry, with all the Kiboo girls walkin past me. To hell with him.

Next day, he ffk'ed 3 hours b4 the actual performance. Mr.Lee walked up to me and asked, "Wanna play in the MIB?" Haha, what an (accidental) honor indeed! I had a bass solo part which the idiot kept messin up, so Mr.Lee asked me to play that 20 bars. Since he has been tutoring my band for the last few months, I went even further and volunteered to play both MIB performance pieces. "Wonderful!" he said. So i spent 30 minutes sight-reading and familarising myself with both pieces outside the hall during the dry rehearsal.

Right after band 2 was MIB performance, so on the way stage out, i u-turned and quickly went back up stage, so not time to change costume. I ended up with my white shirt and bowtie sittin in a sea of black shirts, so i was dem obvious to the audience. I enjoyed the songs so much , dat when my solo part came up, i played a damn beautiful tone. Problem is, I forgot to look at Mr.Lee when he changed conducting, so i continued in 4/4 time while the whole band played in 3/4. We clashed for 6 bars b4 i got my senses together and continued on. Haha, the MIB tuba player even came in to try and save me by playing my solo. Hopefully the audience didnt realise the blunder :o)

In total, i played 8 songs non-stop, 2 songs of which i have never seen b4 3 hours b4 performance. Dats 4/5 of 60 minutes of music. By the finale, I was already moderately cyanosed. Luckily no one at the back shouted, "Encore!". Haha, now im more confident with my sight-reading edi!

See if got ppl pirate our performance again, saw quite a few handphones being held up as i sneak-peeked at the crowds.

Gotta sleep now, nitez!

An Honor to a Fellow Colleague

Life is fleeting.

I still remember Dr.Khor, UM graduate, houseman of HTJ for the last 8 months, when i first met him back in Obstetrics posting. He had arrived to start work at the labor room about the same time i was posted there. A friendly chap, especially to the IMU students. Always joked around with us, so it was fun tagging behind him. He gave me lotsa of chances to set lines (of which most of em he had to redo after i mess up), taught abit of knowledge to me (which was not the same as the textbooks) and i assisted in one delivery with him. That 1 week was memorable, waiting alongside him for mums to deliver (which happened all at once, late at night). Its true then that at times of stress and crisis, bonds of friendship become stronger.

I bumped into him again in Surgery 6 months later. Ah, it was a precious 4 weeks i spent with him then. We always walked up to him with the same question "Dr. Khor, any interesting cases in ward today?" And he would not hesitate to point out a few, as if he was ready for our arrival everyday.

It was a Weds that i stayed back with him and a few juniors. 3 MVAs had just arrived in the dim-lit surgical ward, one with his face in pieces. Dr.Khor was the only houseman in the ward at that time, so he was frantically sewing up the patient's face while awaiting the arrival of 2 more from casualty. With the bad lighting and getting the suture mixed up with the hair, i took turns with 1 junior to hold up 2 pen torches so that Dr.Khor could see. Reminds me of the days i spent holding the lamp with the broken fixture for him to repair an episiotomy back in the labor room. Dat night, he oso gave me the chance to do my first cathetherisation (on a "live" model). Unfortunately, i screwed up with the sterility process and such, again he had to undo my mess. Well, in the end, the catheter went in, and i returned to helping to hold the torch for the rest of the night. A memorable night indeed.

The last words we ever exchanged was after my surgical exam. "How was ur exam?" "Bad shape." "Dun wurry, no problem wan." "Haha, thanks Dr.Khor. See you around!"

How shocking it was to hear he had passed away in an accident 3 days later.

How sad, when u think about the times u witness a resuscitation succeed in the AnE dept, or even helped out in one, and managed to bring patient back from near death. Dr.Khor had probably helped to save many patients' life. It must be really unfair that his own couldnt be saved.

Even doctors, no matter how much good deed is done, are not immortal.

We musnt let his death be in vain. Strive to work hard, and continue in the wake of Dr.Khor's calling. His mission in life. Medicine beckons.

Life and death is a tough issue to talk about. Buddhism tells of the eternity of life, of passing from one life to another continuously. The karma u have created in this lifetime will surely bear fruit in the next, and I pray that i can work with u again, Dr.Khor, in the near future, in ur new life. Surely u will return to this honorable calling again!

Working hard to carry on ur calling, i pledge.

Fei Yang Symphonic Band: Pirated Concert Videos?

Haha, these were listed on my band forum as "pirated", but hey, any public publicity on youtube goes a long way in the long run! Kudos to the unknown user who posted em :o)

These were from last year's concert (June 2007), u cant stop ppl from recordin ur concert, but what the heck, ur not chargin anywayz.

A medley of Carpenters songs, quite good with a few mistakes, we've played the song for like, the hundreth time edi, haha. Posted by the guest electric guitarist, a Soka friend who we invited from outside to join our concert.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtUhpHs1-80&feature=related

Chinese translation of the title is "Cute Rose" (Wo Ke Ai De Mei Kwey Hwa, i think). Cute piece that would always get the older generations swayin to the bass beat. Heheh, we basses get to play the first few sexy notes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wt7CUqHbYAg

Our first debut of Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest. Quite a tough piece, even for the bass parts. Even Mr.Lee din dare to conduct very fast, scard we cudnt catch up. Not a very good reception from the audience, but heck, we still love the song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SIQnlJ7sCc

And further searches in YouTube revealed videos from a Penang Exchange, 2 years ago during the sem7 Paediatrics posting. Conducted by a famous maestro, kinda like the "consultant" equivalent of a conductor.

Beautiful piece of Colors of the Wind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuCEfYLINWw&feature=related

Don Pedro, a mexican piece, i tink. Never really found out what the song was about.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ep2kk9HLT-w&feature=related

And finally, an encore piece by an impromptu "conductor", a medley from the movie Lilo and Stitch, always our band favorite when it comes to blastin aimlessly :o)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY2ahzmqKPA&feature=related

And they keep tellin us at each concert, "No recording allowed!"

Enjoyz!

Medical Specialties - The Pays and Competiveness

1pm, lazy cloudy Friday. Today all the lecturers and staff at uni have gone to Shanghai for their annual holiday trip, so declared official holiday.

Just finished Surgery clinical exam yesterday. Got Mr.MTC for exam, wah, very bad if get academician for exam, cuz his basics are dem strong, can question u anything under the sun. Case was a perforated gastric (or mebe duodenal) ulcer, post-op with long laparotomic scar runnin down the middle of his six packs. Chinese gentleman, 44 year old, presented with acute and worsening epigastric pain. Couldnt speak english, me no understand chinese, tried to ask for pt change but was told to 'try' and clerk in Bahasa Melayu. So I stammered in mix of Mandarin, Cantonese, Malay and even abit of Hokkien. Very disabling to take history from pt who can only speak Chinese, some more in 20 minutes, den rush thru physical exam. Presented a poor history. Missed out alot on the investigations and post-op management/follow-up since wasnt given time to prepare b4 presenting. Totally stunned when Mr.MTC asked about stomach acid physiology, completely left dat behind in Bukit Jalil.

Mr.MTC invited us down to the cafeteria to breakfast with him after our class, the day b4 our exams. He mentioned about continuously developing urself as a doctor, which is why he came to our uni, but found dat there was not much development option for him here. I agree with dat. To become stagnant in ur medical education after uv qualified wud mean a boring life, so must continue to study. He also talked about getting into the masters program in Malaysia. Yup, British FRCS is still not recognised in Msia, so have to take local surgery training.

Acceptance into the local program at either UKM, UPM or UM (i think some are phasing out post-graduate programmes edi, couldnt remember what MCT mentioned) requires u to, in addition to passing an entrance exam, show alot of initiative in wanting to take up surgery. Electives, CMEs, psotings, doing well in exams, taking other degrees etc. all show ur interest. Dat, with a good letter of reference from ur senior consultants, would clinch ur entry into the 5-year program, but only after uv finished ur 2 year HO and 3 year MO in the ministry of hell (MOH), so by the time ur a surgeon, uv past ur 30s. Which is why in medicine and other fields, MOs quickly go for MRCP and their specialities abroad, which is recognised in Msia.

Borrowed the Lange medical specialty book. It's based on US statistic, but i think they would reflect the medical scene here abit. They call post-gradutate training in the US as residency if im not mistaken, and HO training as internship.

Here are the competitiveness of getting into a residency program based on the rejection ("unmatched") rates (in % of applications) in the US in 2002. Cant find the latest one online. It shows the difficultness of matching into that programme, oso reflects the number of doctors rushing for it.

Extremely Competitive
Plastic Surgery - 23.5
Opthalmology - 22.0
Urology - 20.0
Radiation Oncology - 17.9
Dermatology - 16.1

Very Competitive
Neurosurgery - 15.0
ENT - 15.0
Orthopedic surgery - 14.9
Radiology - 11.1
AnE - 6.5

Competitive
General surgery - 5.4
Anesthesiology - 5.2
OnG - 4.3
Psychiatry - 4.3
Neurology - 3.0

Less Competitive
Rehabilitation - 2.7
Pathology - 2.1
Family medicine - 1.9 (wah, so not competitive meh...)
Internal medicine - 1.6
Pediatrics - 1.3

Everyone loves to know how much a specialty earns (money makes the world go around), so I've oso extracted the median compensation (which i assume is the annual average salary in US dollars, since its the only money thingy of each chapter) for each specialty based on 2002 statistics and re-arranged em.

But remember, medicine in the Us is mostly a private thingy, whereas in Msia, everyone in the government gets about the same amount of pay. If u want to earn this salary, go into private practice. Oso, they got more plastic surgeons over there than here, so of course, the pay here could be much higher. And this is US pay, not directly proportionate to Msian pay, which explains why med students abroad dun wan to come back after qualifying.

I din include some really sub-specialties (retinal surgery, endocinologic gynecology etc.) cuz i dun tink they exist in Msia yet, but their pay is much higher than what the general specialty gets.

Spinal Surgery
$420,660.

Cardiothoracic Surgery
$401,440.

Joint Replacement Orthopedic Surgery
$400,017.

Neurosurgery
$391,250.

Interventional Radiology
$356,000

Orthopedic Surgery
$324,754.

Radiation Oncology
$303,750

Diagnostic Radiology
$302,704

Cardiology
$287,163

Vascular Surgery
$286,286

Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery
$282,825

Anesthesiology
$278,964

Urology
$276,798

GI Surgery
$277,441.

Pediatric Surgery
$270,593.

General Surgery
$255,304.

ENT
$253, 971.

GI
$246,663.

Opththalmology
$240,265.

OnG
$230,804.

Pathology
$221,242

Dermatology
$220,766.

Pulmonary Medicine/Critical Care
$213,483.

Hematology/Oncology
$210,000.

Nephrology
$205,000.

AnE
$204,519.

Neonatology
$201,702.

Neurology
$181,689.

Child Psychiatry
$172,107.

Rehabilitation Medicine
$171,549

Rheumatology
$167,007.

Endocrinology
$166,929

Infectious Disease
$166,156.

Psychiatry
$158,275

Geriatrics
$152,260

General Internal Medicine (i tink its with ur basic MRCP)
$150,534.

Pediatrics
$149,429

Family Medicine
$145,675.

Msia government pay doctors based on their U levels. HO start off at U41, which is about RM2,800 and add all the on-call and some weird allowances (entertainment allowance?), it totals to about RM4,000. MOs now get RM6,000 based on recent news. Specialists go to U48, whereas consultants are at U52 and HODs at U54. Highest u can go is around RM10,000 i tink, with extra pay if ur datuk, do extra admin work, research and etc.

Thus everyone gets about the same pay in the gov, whether ur a cardiothoracic surgeon who's half-dead in the OT at the middle of god-knows what time in the morning, or a radiologist sleeping with the cardiothoracic surgeon's wife in the on-call rooms in the opposite block.

Not very attractive when u know that an ortho surgeon in private practice can earn around RM120,000 a month. Even a "retarded" one can earn about RM80,000.

But i think in the end, it depends on where ur interest lies. U can be making millions a year and giving the tax-collectors a field day, but if u hate ur job, u can be the unhappiest person on this planet. The list is to show u whether u think the job is worth the amount of effort u put in, which u must then applaud the doctors who stay back in the government to work for the sake of the patients who cannot afford private medical care.

Tiring Week

11pm, damp outside after the rain, crickets chirping peacefully. Back from practice, played Summon the Heroes during clarient sectional, tho we were 5 bars from ending b4 everyone gave up :o)

Given the script for next week's wedding. YMD with Thai girl (not SGI member). Small ceremony at home, at nite have to rush back after practice for wedding dinner. Not much to say as emcee, wonder how i can spruce up the celebration? Hmm...

Rushed back on Thurs after class with Dr.C, dat day wuz Prophet Muhammad's bday, dem weird have class on public holiday. Dem good surgeon-lecturer, like Dr.Y, both oso from the same uni. Hmm, that uni must produce very good doctors-teachers.

Quickly organised clarinet gathering two days b4 after found out Fri no class. Managed abt 55% attendance. 9 clarinetist, 1 bass clarinetist, 1 basoonist, 1 oboeist, and even 1 french horner (sounds really wrong). Others could not make it on such a short notice. Tidied up house, went out to get pizzaz and junk food, and played host for the rest of the nite. Lotsa of peanuts eaten, lotsa tissue used up when things got emotional. Half the box i tink. Problem is, things got emotional at 10pm, ah, wished it started earlier, den dun have to leave so late to fetch sum of the members back to Ampang. Reached home by 12.45am, after 1 hour 45 minz on the road. Tidied up a bit, bathed, den dropped dead in bed.

Its true, u have to come down to grassroot level and hear what members have to say, totally different world for me. I live in a comfortable world, got functional (if rusty) family, can study at (bloodi expensive) medical uni, got car etc. Others are not so fortunate, yet at practice, u see them smile and work hard for kosenrufu, and yet not know a thing abt whats goin on in their lives. There are many things in life that we take for granted. Must listen more to members, dialogue with them. Time to brush up my Mandarin seriously.

Gave the short Gosho preview i wuz supposed to give 3 weeks ago. Wish i could share the actual Gosho with the members, tell them that to practice Buddhism is hard, but not to give up. Winter always turns to spring.

Tmrw got L1 seminar, need to get up early. 2 weeks time got Student Division Exchange Camp with Malacca SD members. 4 weeks time got exchange with Klang band members and Music Instructors Band (MIB), i tink its called Rakan Muda Orchestra or sumthin. Dats Mr. Lee's band, i tink.

Weds, stayed back with * and her friends till 12am. Took her around the wards, learnt from her, as her from I. Muz learn from her semangat, dem hardworking. We helped out in a few MVA cases, blood all over the place, she and i took turns bagging, and holding the damned pen torch cuz wards dem dark and HO tryin his best to suture meat back to victim's face. Victim screamin in pain, max dose of pethidine given.

I volunteered to catheterize my 1st pt, messed up big time, not same as when practice on fake model. Totally not sterile, used up 4 sterile gloves since everytime contaminated. Well, patient din scream or anythin as i pushed the catheter in, mebe cuz he already fainted from extreme pain, imagine gettin ur face sewed back. Sweat like mad cuz urine took so long to finally come out, i tot i punctured the bladder or ruptured the urethra.

By the time i walked home, reached at 12.45am. Jalan Rasah quiet and peaceful at night, ppl watchin wrestlin at mamak shops, few sundry shops open, 7-eleven only shop lighted up at its row, ppl singin karaoke loudly at Teo Chew association building.

Examz next week, Tues and Thurs. Haiz, life is not a box of chocolates, it's one big, bloody exam. After Thurs, gonna come home and kill lotsa ppl. In Unreal Tourney. Long time din make killing. Wahaha!

Sleepz now, dem tired. ZZZ...

Bananas, DAP, Japanese Friends

10pm, outside wet after the rain. Love the smell u get after a rain.

Listenin to the John Williams' version of "Summon the Heroes", whush, they play the bass parts dem kann chiong. Just back from band practice, din play 'Heroes today, sniff.

Found a version of the actual 1996 Atlanta Olympics performance, conducted by John Williams' himself, dem cool, check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10SWNWzGq1U



Caught Macha eating while a cat was waiting patiently behind a pillar for him to leave, so that it could come and grub in. Managed to snap one pic b4 Macha saw me, got excited and ran to me. Cat ran in, grabbed a bone b4 Macha came tearin back after it and chased it away.

To Shiawase: Sigh, sumtimes proud to be a banana, sumtimes sad to be a banana. Speakin of blenders, mango shakes sellin very well at Chapati Corner, must suggest to Aunty to make banana shake...ewww...dat sounds bad (and obscene at the same time), on 2nd thoughts, nevermind. Do take us again thru paedz wards nxt week ya!

Havin second thoughts on emcee-ing for the wedding. Yikes, i'd be nervous as hell. Dun wan2 mess up sumone's wedding.


Haha, after many years of voting for the Opposition, PJ has finally come under the Rocket! We were mostly cheerin dat Samy Vellu lost the election, can hear the whole SS3 shouting in unison when his results were shown on RTM1.

Surgery goin smoothly. Not practicin enuf of my physical examination skills, very weak.
New juniorz finally came in to surgical wards, brought a few around, some presented cases to me, realised how much i've grown in knowledge and maturity, especially in history takin. Could not believe i once clerked history as a sem6 junior. Stayed back a few times just to bring juniors around, haha, its more fun when ur teaching, forced to read up beforehand so dun look stoopid in front of juniors.

One patient at bed C13 complained of abdominal pain and constipation. I showed the abdominal xray to a group of juniors, showed off my xray interpretation skills, i suspected intestinal obstruction, couldnt really see dilated bowels tho. Juniors questioned back, me as senior ego super big, junior not allowed to question senior, just accept wat we teach u, even tho xray looked quite funny. Suspicious bladder stone noted by one junior, i brushed it off as a phlebolith (calcified vein, incidental finding in old ppl, but pt was only 36 yrs old...). I gave my provisional diagnosis: TB of the ileum. Fuyoh...super-rare disease. Dun noe till dis day how i came up with that differential.

When everybody left, i checked the name on the xray. Wrong xray, supposed to be bed C13, i took for bed 13. Turns out patient in bed 13 was being investigated for blood in the urine, doctor's differential: bladder stone. Bed C13 just had an appendicitis. -_-"""

This week, IMU had 3 Japanese elective students. We had the honor of having one of em onboard in Surgery. His name is T. I was jealous dat Japanese medical students could keep long hair, dem cool. Could only speak halting English, lotsa medical terms he could not understand for they studied medicine in pure Japanese over in Japan, even his textbooks were in Japanese. He learnt the English terms himself with the aid of his translating device. I played unofficial host to him and his friend, R, a Japanese girl who likes anime (its pronounced a-nime in Japan, not ani-meh) and Queen rock music. T spends his time in the labs doin lung cancer research over the weekends. Wow, so hardworkin.

Showed T around the hospital, translated for him during case presentations. A lot of things he couldnt understand. He tended to nod ALOT. Haha, me too, mebe its built into all things Japanese. It was like, at 10Hz per sentence said to him. He nodded to alot of ppl in the hospital as well, everyone thought he was a Japanese specialist, since he had a very matured look. Everyone nodded back at the same frequency until they became giddy.

On Wed I went to endoscopy room with T. Everytime im the only Chinese in a room, i prayed hard dat no Chinese pt would come in, cuz then i wud be called to translate. My bad luck dat day.

I was tested to the limits of my chinese language when a Chinese pt with the whole family (picture this: pt in wheelchair, daughter, son-in-law, 2 children, grandma and brother) came to endoscopy room. All could not speak Malay or English, or refused to speak it, i tink.

Their CT forms and blood forms got mixed up, so i had to take em all the way to MOPD and ask for an appointment. Due to damned beuracracy (godz, how do u spell dat damned word), i was sent on a long walk back to the endoscopy room.

Naturally, all the family members asked me a lot of questions, even their little girl. They were worried about their grandpa having lung cancer. I saw the chest xray, a huge opaque lesion at the left upper lobe. Scope on TV showed an ugly lesion infiltrating the left upper bronchus, doc took a sample. Din dare to show the family members the chest xray.

Didnt know how to pharse it properly, just kept tellin them to wait for biopsy results to come back. Their questions became more complex, from what i usually expected. I switched rapidly from what little vocabulary i knew in Mandarin and Cantonese, and finally a desperate attempt to Hokkien, b4 i admitted defeat and told em i din know how to speak proper Chinese.

Even then, they kept asking. Shows how same races lean on each other in times of need, they refused to converse with the doctors and nurses, only turned to a fellow Chinese. Makes u feel proud to be a Chinese.

Friday nite I took T and R to our variety nite, orientation ended this week. Gave them a dose of IMU orientation nite group performances, yeah, obscenity and IMCCs' included. They could not believe me (they're Asian eyes became American eyes) when I told em, "That girl is a boy... yes, SHE is a HE... yes, its water balloons and a wig...". After dat, their cameras were flashin away.

They were impressed dat Malaysia was such a multi-cultural society. The plays, musicals and songs alternated between shouting bad words in Hokkien, singin the TV3 Ah Long of Bukit Beruntung song in Malay, to lotsa Bollywood music and dancing. An Indian junior was asked to translate one bangra music, the results: "Boy asks girl, 'U look like apple. What is ur name, apple?'" Tamil translation did not come well into English, T looked quite bemused. R and T also laughed alot, even though they couldnt understand the jokes. Most amused by every IMCC dat came on stage. Ah, what is an IMU orientation without our IMCCs? The IMU tradition to be most proud of.

Probably take em photos back to Japan, and showed it to the deans and the whole university during a cultural exchange presentation or sumthin.

"This is what Malaysian students usually do in medical universities."

(Hundreds of stunned Japanese faces)

"...soh des kah...".

Oh, well lotsa things to do b4 Sat nite ends. Nitez...

A Short Post

2am, silent air outside, kenny g music playin softly from speakerz.

They say if u step out of ur comfort zone, a whole new world opens up to u. Well, I was surprised to find ppl's blogs so short dat i thought, why not me too? It goes easy on the eyes as well.

Din study whole day. Nagging guilt. Spent whole day runnin around preparin for clarinet gathering tmrw (or rather, today). Buyin stuff, tryin to bring down costs, thinkin of entertainment. Suddenly advised NOT to have gathering tmrw. Cuz after practice, voting results will be announced, mebe streets not safe. Sigh, whole day wasted. Oh well, quite a few cant make it tmrw anywayz.

Main purpose wan2 target 1 junior. I see her very sad in band, dun mix well with others, she english-speakin surrounded by chinese-speakin ppl. I understand how she feels, i spent 9 years in a band whom i dun reli understand as well. Gets kinda lonely sumtimes, not understandin pplz jokes. But slowly, u mix with them, ur sense of humor oso blend with them, ah , u feel part of the band, whether u banana or mango. Very hard to "kacau" her, she dun respond dat well, so shy all the time. Mebe in this gatherin, other juniors will mix with her as well. If not, can lose a potential band player. Must establish the sense of belonging.

Tmrw end practice early, 5.30pm. Yeah, we're playin Summon the Heroes, dem cool olympics theme song, dem loud timpanis banging away, and i get a few solo parts! Well, its more of a "play-the-rhythm-while-band-goes-silent" parts. But its still dem cool to hear a bass clarinet playing like a lone beating heart beating away in the expansive silence of a huge universe.

Voting day tmrw. Forgot to register, so cant vote. Wait another 4 yearz. Dat time no time to even register, probably.

Just finished watchin Stardust with bro and sis on tv. Haha, dem funny show, Robert De Niro dem funny. Cool photography and angles, wish i could do stuff like dat. Romantic movie, ah, its a work of escapism. Makes u all wishy-washy. What would it be like to fall in love with a star?

Midz of surgery, Sunday have to go back early and clerk case. New lecturer wants to have case presentation at 7.15am in the morning on Monday. Crazy, patient oso havent wake up yet. Means i have to start walkin at 6.45am, or i drive the car.

Sigh, sem9 here so fast. 5 months to go, time flies while ur in medical school. Must enjoy times with friends, afterwards all go back to their individual states, rarely cross paths with them. Play futsal perhaps? Sigh, dun noe why i hate sports so much. Got two left legs. Just love a good book (and lotsa peanuts or kuaci), or just crapping with friends. I got no sport spirit...

2 weeks time have to emcee a wedding ceremony. SGM member from our chapter marryin a Thai girl. Haha, wonder how to do it. "We gather here today on this very aussipi... auspisios... aupsipicous...(bah) ...beautiful day...". Must make a memorable day for them.

Last week opened a stone exhibition with our recital piece, Mozart's Wind Quintet in Eb. As usual, no one in the audience could make out the mistake. Thats classical music for u there.

Oh well, time to sleep, my circadian rhythm probably all screwed up by now.

Nitez.

Dementia: The Dangers of Not Exercising Your Brain

4.15pm, warm and sunny, but not too hot to make you sweat. Dark patches of comulonimbus, with halos of Sun shinin thru. Gonna rain 2nite perhaps. Lazy afternoon, everyone's gone home for the long weekend (Monday no class) and Chung's MIA'ed since yesterday. Distant ennnnh! of buzzer coming from 3rd floor as sem9 seniors runnin thru their OSCE examinations. Doin my report, but no mood to go on, just flippin thru other ppl's blogs and waiting for 6.30pm to come so i can shoot to Cheras for band practice 2nite.

My recital group called to perform Mozart's Wind Quintet again next Sunday during the opening ceremony of an exhibiton at Wisma Kebudayaan in KL. Heheh, wonder if we'll make the same mistakes again and no one notices.

This Saturday giving a short 15 minutes preview on this month's Gosho study. Got so many points to share, haha, i think i'll just give the whole Gosho lecture myself!

Yesterday, my group went to the Memory Clinic which is located behind the hospital. Its an old building where the original hospital wards were located during the Japanese Occupation. It caters for elderly patients with dementia of various causes.

For those who dont know what dementia or Alzheimers is, its the slow regression of the brain, brought about by old age, but in an accelerated manner. Myth has it that its due to not using ur brain often eunf when u get old.

Very sad to seee uncles and aunties with Alzheimers. Some couldnt even comprehend simple instructions like asking to them to lifet their hands. You could shed tears just watching them struggle for 10 minutes with trembling hands as they try to write out simple sentences like "I come to clinic today." One pattern that emerges is as they approach the last words, the letters start to become small, and then just disappear all together. On the other spectrum, there were patients who were aggressive and violent. One kept swearing in Hokkien every 5 minutes.

My patient was an old lady with a solid built and lot of makeup and jewellery. She kept scolding her husband, asking him to shut up, and shouting at him everytime he tried to tell the doctor what her condition was like. She dislikes people talking behind her back. She even asked the doctor and staff nurses to shut up. I tried my best to subtly carry out the mini mental state examination without erking her wrath. Halfway thru the consultation, she said she hated to be there, and just left without a word. Poor husband. The caregiver is always the one who suffers the most, and the guy was so patient. He never talked bad about his wife, nor showed any sign of losing patience. I talked to him and tried to encourage him, asking about any hobbies or interest to keep on going in life.

I've always asked mum and dad to not only read alot as they grew old, but also to exercise their brains. I suggest sudoku, or maybe even crosswords, but im sure there's more stuff to do. Reading books and gardening wouldnt be considered exercising the brain, as they mostly involve input, and not much output. I think everyone who's witnessed what a demented person is like has the responsibility to go home and convince ur parents to never stop exercising their brains. Also to take alot of omega-3, found in fishes.

Okie, back to my report, im a professional procrastinator if there ever was such a profession, haha!

Relationshipz: A Commentary, A Confession, A Study

5pm, windy, with halos of Sun shining thru the clouds. There's a beautiful breeze blowin outside, has been all day long. Not too hot, noo too cold. Its a Chinese New Year wind, serenading the citizens of Seremban town. On the way up to Bukit Rasah, even though I was late for afternoon class, I had to stop for a minute, and just stand there in peaceful silence, letting the warm wind caress me and bring back the memories of the many Chinese New Year winds I had enjoyed in the past (also to dry my sweaty back). 23 years just pass by so fast, we barely have time to take stock of the memories we acquire with each passing day.

Im still typing out the post abt my cny adventures, but i tot i'd like to address the aforementioned issue (cheh, like writing formal letter...).

A lot of ppl have been asking me the same damn thing:

"When u gonna get girlfriend?"

"Ah Han, when u getting girlfriend?"

"Hah, u still single?"

"Jo, u want to be like Dr.Y?"

"Are u gay?"

I get tired giving the same damn old answers:

"After i go thru my housemanship first."

"Coming, Ah Yi, coming..."

"Surprised?"

"Wan to be as smart as him onli..."

"Yes, im gay, wakaka, are U too??? (followed with evil, sardonical smile)"

Society pressures us to get a girlfriend, but why? Has anybody stopped to think for awhile? True, i myself feel the pressure, the primal urge in the male hormones that yells "Woi, get up and reproduce!!" But we are not apes or baboons, we dun simply run around chasing after pheromones and humping whichever female (or unlucky male if its a really horny baboon with bilateral cataracts) we chance upon. We're in the 21st century, not the stone age. Our brains have evolved to grow the neo-cortex atop the reptilian cortex. The neo-cortex gives us control over our primal instincts, sending out the warning if we were to simply romp about: "Heard of STD?"

Society also has a negative viewpoint on guyz and gurlz who are still single. Must be sumthin wrong with that fella. That girl sure got bad history with guyz wan. He must be GAY.

I think singledom is a time when u analyze urself. Where u learn to live by ur own, and enjoy being alone, without needing companionship first. Its about being comfortable with urself, learning to draw happiness from within, not find it from without.

Yesterday in the gym, me and my friends C and CK (anonymous for now) were discussing about girls, when we chanced upon a scenario of a certain type of girl: a girl who constantly gets into a relationship, then breaks up, gets back in, then breaks up again etc.

It is very common to see ppl who get in and out of relationships rapidly, but why is it that they do so? Out of desperation because of the norms that society imposes on us? Or perhaps something lacking from within?

I had a crush on a girl recently. It went from glances to hellos'. I felt a bit of chemistry that went beyond just good looks, and i was attracted to her soft and graceful demeanor, especially her beautiful smile. Unfortunately, she was already with sumone else. So i laid the line at "friend". Months went by, casual hellos went on to asking for advice and simple msg'ing.
Then one day, when i went online, i saw her profile change from in a relationship to single. Whoosh...i quickly drew up my battle plans to take it beyond the line of friend. I am a bit of a slow person, as i prefer the steadily glowing embers of love rather than the roaring fire of passion. This is what any good Scout would know when cooking over an open fire: they want to produce good, eat-able food, not burnt bits of crisps and carbonized flakes. So my plans were to take it step by step, slooowly...

...but to my utter surprise, it went back to in a relationship in just 2 weeks. Either sumthin happened in their relationship and she was real angry at that moment, or she got a new boyfriend. Either way, that was really FAST. Im not sure which happened, but well, we're back to "just friends", and im bloody banging my head on the wall in frustration of how slow i was.

I've met many girls in the past who've seemingly cycle rapidly thru many relationships without a buffer period in between, perhaps what we might call a "refractory period".

It was like as if they had a vacuum in their hearts that constantly needed to be filled by men being in their life. Something was lacking, something they look for but cannot find as they go from one person to another, trapped in an unhappy cycle. Wanting to break out.

I always believed that a person needs at least 1 year or more after a breakup to find herself, to discover her life abit and to analyze what went wrong in the previous relationship. Thus adequate learning has taken place, before entering into a new relationship. I believe, b4 entering into a relationship, one has to be whole person first. A relationship is not where partners complement each other for traits that they dun have. People change over time, a quiet person may become an outgoing person, the humble become arrogant, the flowers stop coming in. The things that do not change are the principles u hold true to ur life, which u can only find once u have found urself, as a whole, independant person.

A relationship is (to quote SGI President Daisaku Ikeda) not two people looking into each other's eyes, but two people looking in the same direction. He quotes China Premier Zhou Enlai (i think thats his name) and his wife as an examplary couple. On his tombstone, his wife etched the words: "Zhou Enlai, husband and comrade-in-life". How wonderful if two people were to go thru life creating value all the way.

I read a book long ago (i think its still in Bukit Jalil library) titled Love: An Addiction, or sumthin like dat. Its quite an old book, so the social demographics might be outdated, but it highlighted a very important fact: how love can be addictive, and in turn, destructive. The author compares the many similarities between falling in love and taking cocaine. After a breakup, a person craves for the same love she or he had in the previous relationship, and in desperation, just grabs the next person s/he can find. This establishes a vicious cycle that a person may get stuck in forever if s/he doesnt look into their hearts to find the solution to their unhappiness.

Buddhism always teaches us to look inside for happiness, and not to find happiness on the outside. Such external raptures are temporary, at risk of disappearing in an instant. Nichiren's Buddhism classifies this amongst the Ten Worlds, our states of life an any given moment. The world of Heaven, at the 5th rung, is a place of utmost joy, but its also an unsteady place that can at anytime fall back into the lower worlds of unhappiness.

Relationships are good places to learn more about urself, to learn how to be a good spouse before getting married, to learn about how each person in this world are so different from each other, and how to live with that fact. That would be healthy relationship. A relationship shouldnt be about clinging to someone and making him/her ur source of happiness. A relationship should drive both of u to grow and do great things in life that contribute to humankind.

"I need u" has a whole different meaning from "I want to be with u".

Reader's Digest Feb 2008 had an article about a study on "attraction and soulmates" that was done in a university. A volunteer was given a personality of a made-up person, and told to mark down what he/she liked about that person. After that, the volunteer was given yet another personality, but with different traits. And so on and on...

Statistical analysis of the results showed that the optimum number of people that u should be interested in before finding the perfect mate was 9 out of 100. Means that at the 9th person u fall in love with, uv already have enough information of the type of partner u want. Less than that, u have too little information about the perfect person u should be with. More than that, ur missing out on perfect partners.

On another note, perhaps someone should do sum research and come up with a standard measurement for gauging which of the ppl around u is to be classified as acquaintance, friend, good friends, mates, boy/girlfriend. That way, we can avoid confusion and misunderstandings. Sometimes girls can be extra-friendly, and u'll be cracking ur head whether she's just playfully flirting with u, or she's seriously sending signals across (which we guys usually have ALOT of trouble interpreting).

There are things in life that need to be done quickly, like ur case report when the due date is tomorrow, but there are things that need to go slowly. Patience will be rewarded.

To that certain girl,i wish u well of a wonderful life, no matter who ur with. Look within ur heart for the happiness u seek. Fight hard in the challenges that come ur way, remember that relationships are not all what life is about and become a girl who creates value and contributes to the wellbeing of society. Answer ur calling in life, gambatte!

PS. And to anyone else asking the same questions as mentioned above, ask me medical stuff la!